


Paradox Space Dysphoria Blues

by AlwaysWatching



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Bulges and Nooks (Homestuck), Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Dom/sub Undertones, Gender Dysphoria, Healthy Relationships, Hermaphroditic Trolls (Homestuck), Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Meteorstuck, Nonbinary Character, Quadrant Confusion, Queer Themes, Sexuality Crisis, Touch-Starved, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-10-01 19:16:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20377096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysWatching/pseuds/AlwaysWatching
Summary: The ride to the new session was boring, a well accepted fact among anyone unfortunate enough to be stuck on the Lalonde express. Still, you found ways to entertain yourself, most of which happened to involve a certain shouty, angry troll. And dealing with the other trolls. And dealing with Rose. And dealing with those pesky goddamn thoughts that won't seem to go away no matter what. Your name is Dave Strider and all you want is for this trip to be over with, but it's hard to run from yourself when you're stuck in paradox space.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi friends! I didn't have a beta reader so I apologize for any syntax or spelling errors. I am also very colorblind and can only tell that Karkat's, Dave's, and Rose's text colors are correct and where they should be, though i am fairly certain the rest of the cast is correct too. The rest of this fic is done, it's just currently being edited and formatted. I hope you enjoy!

Being stuck on the meteor was hardly your ideal mode of transit, but all things considered, it could be worse. Meeting their troll gods or whatever was weird and at first, you didn’t really get along. Terezi felt sharp and dangerous, with a body and voice like a pile of one of your bros shitty swords, as sharp as that goddamn katana he always carried around, more sharp than-  


You prevent yourself from going any further. Whatever metaphor you were drawing would fail to capture the true spirit of Terezi Pyrope. Suffice to say, she was a bit strange, but she seemed nice enough you guessed. You had talked with her in the game, so you kinda expected some of what you got. Still, the way she moved was somewhat eerie, but the other trolls seemed to respect her and after spending some time hanging out, she ended up being pretty alright by you.  
Vriska on the other hand, was a massive bitch, but Terezi seemed enthralled by her. The pull of her personality was greater than a blackhole, but instead of robbing everything of light she robs everyone of their attention units it’s hers. Like she was out there farming it, feeding the garden of her ego with a massive bitchiness and an unparalleled level of snark and attitude. But Terezi liked her and she could be worse.  


You, Terezi, and Vriska quickly became friends while Rose gravitated towards Kanaya, the two of them all too happy to spend time together. Of all the people you met in person, Rose was the best. It was cool to meet Rose her in person, to truly see all that snark in one body. Sure you’d watched her through the game, but it wasn’t quite the same as meeting her in person. Still, for some reason seeing her up close felt weird. You think she felt it too. So the two of you went off to make friends with the other trolls, while maintaining your semi awkward relationships. Most of your interactions with her were always careful and you were always ready to rewind time in case you made a conversational blunder. Playing with time like that wasn’t good to do, but when the changes were that minor the effects weren’t felt as much anyway. Besides, you could tell she was peering into the future or whatever weird seer shit she did, she’d get this glassy look in her eyes for a moment when she was talking to you, pausing in the middle of a sentence briefly before forging on. You remember her saying something about finding the most “fortuitous path for her and her allies goals,” but what that meant was beyond you. You’re pretty sure she was using her powers to navigate her conversations with you. Still if she noticed the odd deja vu of too close time lines she let nothing on, just like you remained stoic whenever she spaced out. You were able to hide behind your glasses, but somehow her face betrayed nothing, despite her eyes being visible. For the life of you couldn’t place why you were uncomfortable around and you doubted she could either.  


Because you and Rose danced around each other so much, you didn't often talk to Kanaya. She was tall, you thought she might’ve been the tallest of the trolls, though you hadn’t seen the alleged juggalo murderer yet. Well, you guess you sort of had, but he was tied up on the floor and really you only spared him a glance. He seemed clumsy, like his brain was too small for his body. Kanaya though, Kanaya moved steadily and gracefully with a confidence that you weren’t sure even you had. After Rose had taken her liking to the troll, you almost wanted to her about what she was getting into. You always shook the thought though and fought it back down, you were hardly one to try to play matchmaker.  


Karkat on the other hand, Karkat was all too happy to. He was an angry ball of fire and fury, but a clear intelligence lurked behind his eyes. You thought the troll was too loud, so you didn’t talk to him much. Even if he insulted you/ The insults hardly bothered you anyway. He didn’t seem all too eager to talk to you either, sans yelling at you whenever you were in his sight line. You had decided the short troll was really fucking annoying. Nonetheless, Terezi seemed to like him a lot, so you encountered him frequently. You weren’t sure if could understand the joy of Karkat, but you decided that first impressions weren’t everything and were willing to at least try. Vriska antagonized him frequently and you had to admit the way his face heated up and his voice grew louder as he shouted was pretty funny. Still, you made no real effort to make nice with him, though certainly you’d start fucking with him more. Vriska had proven that activity entertaining enough. You were pretty sure moving beyond that was unlikely though. Plus you had another good reason to be wary, since he was apparently troll dating the clown murderer, who even you admit put you slightly on edge. Fucking clowns.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Upon the end of your first month on the meteor, you finally really met Gamzee. You thought you had gotten a decent perception of his height and size the first time, but you were deeply mistaken. You had thought Kanaya was tall, but the troll in front of you was huge. You ran into him after at what your time powers told you would be one am on earth, You were slowly moving back to your room after sitting around with Kanaya and Rose all day. You and Rose had managed to get over much of you discomfort, much to your disbelief, but you were glad. Right now though, you wish she would have told you about the decidedly non-fortitious run in with the meteor’s resident murder clown.  


Gamzee: SuP MoThErFuCkEr  
Gamzee: I’vE BeEn WaTcHiNg yOu LaTeLy  
Gamzee: My PaLeBrO sAyS yOu GoT A mOtHeRfUcKiN BaD AtTiTuDe wItH A FaCe To mAtCh  
Gamzee: HoNk   


You carefully considered you options. It didn’t seem like he was out to kill you, which was at least somewhat reassuring. You itched to pull your sword from your specibus in case the clown flew at you like goddamn pennywise to drag you into whatever weird sewer this meteor had, probably the air vents if you’re honest, but it seemed like he was content staring at you from across the room.  


Dave: sup  
Dave: youre the juggalo right?  


His expression didn’t change, but the air in the room certainly did. A sudden chill where there was none before. You weren’t going to back down now, but the troll in front of you didn’t seem like anyone you wanted to strife with.  


Gamzee: StIlL SpItTiN AlL ThAt MoThErFuCkIn bLaSpHeMy  
Gamzee: It’S AlL GoOd tHoUgH, i’M AlL NiCe AnD MoThErFuCkiNg CaLm NoW  
Gamzee: So HoW AbOuT We JuSt TalK  
Gamzee: WhAt’S GoT a SqUiShY MoThErFuCkEr LiKe YoU DoInG aLl Up AnD WoNdErIn ThE MeTeOr?  


You didn’t see how telling him the truth could hurt. You knew for a fact that Kanaya had her eyes open for the troll and made no secret of her desire to go clown hunting. Besides, you were more than able to protect yourself. You gave him another glance up and down before relaxing more. Whatever Karkat does to placate the being in front of you must work. The purpleblood didn’t look friendly, but he also didn’t seem like he was about to fly off the handle either. Though his curiosity was still unerving.  


Dave: just gettin on with all you weird bugs  
Dave like a fucking entomologist collecting and studying all you bitches putting you under glass and shit   
Dave: im a goddamn connoisseur of knowledge gonna write a whole book on you weird motherfuckers and sell it in the new universe   
Dave: call it “bugs bitches and trolls a primer on weird alien bullshit   
Dave: why? you want some time with papa strider? jealous he hasnt studied you yet?  


Gamzee eyes narrowed slightly. The air shifted again and suddenly you felt a knot of fear welling in your stomach. The fuck? Was he doing that? The sense of dread slowly began to build. You didn’t let it show that it was affecting you, even as your eyes opened wide behind your shades. 

Gamzee: JuSt cHeCkIn iN On oUr NeW mOtHeRfUcKiNg GuEsTs  
Gamzee: HoNk   
Gamzee takes a long hard glance at you before speaking again.  
Gamzee: YoU KnOw WhAt?  
Gamzee: YoU lOoK a LoT LiKe ThAt bLoNd MoThErfUcKeR ThAt’S AlWaYs WiTh KaNayA.  


The comment sends a wave of awkward feelings through you, knocking you out of the fear that had begun to cloud your mind. He thought you looked like Rose? Did you really? For a brief moment, you were almost flattered, though you were sure he didn’t mean for it to be nice. You quickly clamped down on that thought though. What were you thinking?  


Dave: ye well she’s my ectosis or somethin thats why she can even be half as cool as me   


You internally cringe as you deliver the line. That came off far more awkward than you had intended. Gamzee face remained unchanged however, and you decide that you wanted to be done with this conversation. You were tired and continuing to deal with the hulking troll in front of you was low on your list of priorities. That and his comment about you and Rose was still buzzing in your head.  


Dave: nice talking to you bobo but im getting my sleep on  


You began to walk forward, quickly passing the troll and continuing your way down the hall. You could feel his eyes on you until you disappeared around the corner. It was then that you realized that, while Vriksa may be dangerous, Gamzee was on a whole other level. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


The next time you see Rose you shoot her a glare. You open your mouth begin to complain about the events last night, but the glimmer in her eyes and the smirk that worms it’s way onto her face give you pause. You find your thoughts pulled back to what Gamzee said yesterday and begin to compare yourself to her. You were both fairly skinny and lithe, you hair the same color, and your faces only slightly different, mostly in terms of the way your fat was distributed. You idly wondered how you’d look if your face had just a bit more fat like hers. You’re broken out of your thoughts as she begins to speak.  


Rose: I’m sure you’re quite unhappy about running into Gamzee, but I will state that I have no control over him nor can I be sure what’s always fortuitous. It depends on your perspective after all. I also, for the record, do not see everything. However, if you have a problem with the clown, perhaps you should talk to Karkat about it. After all, he's the one with the most contact.   


Her grin grew to cover her entire face and her eyes were bright with mischief. You were caught in some sort of web and you had no idea where this was going to lead you. Damn Rose and her seer powers. You bark out a sharp retort and the two of you verbally spar for a few minutes, only to be interrupted by the noise of a transportalizer firing up. You shoot a glance towards it and steel your face into a line as you see Karkat appear. Shit, it looked like Rose had gotten one over on you this time. She must have known Karkat was coming right? Or were you just being paranoid? You weren’t sure what she was playing at, mind games never being one of your favorite activities, but you were sure you didn’t want to know. Of course you were still going to interrogate her after you were done with this.  


Rose: Hello Karkat, how are you doing today?   


Karkat stepped off the transportalizer and began to walk forward, only to pause as the words hit him. Rose’s expression had hardly changed and it looked like he had come to the same conclusion you had, Rose was scheming.  


Karkat: WHATEVER IT IS YOUR PLANNING LALONDE I WANT NO FUCKING PART IN IT. YOUR LAST GREAT IDEA WAS TO FLING US INTO THE MIDDLE OF PARADOX SPACE SO WE COULD ALL BE BORED OUT OF OUR THINKPANS.  
Karkat: THE LEAST YOU COULD FOR US IS TO STOP DOING WHATEVER IT IS YOU’RE DOING. LAUNCHING US INTO THE FUCKING UNKNOWN WITH WITH OUR PANTS AROUND OUR ANKLES WATING FOR THE DEMON THING TO CUT OFF OUR OWN BUDLGES AND FEED THEM TO US IS ALREADY ENOUGH.  


Dave: could have done without the imagery there  
Karkat: SHUT THE FUCK UP STRIDER NO ONE WAS TALKING TO YOU  
Rose: Well, if you’re so bored why don’t you talk to Dave? He has something he wants to ask you anyway  
Dave: rose shut up  
Karkat: WHAT THE TAINTFUCKING HELL ARE YOU FUCKING ON ABOUT LALONDE? THE LAST PERSON I WANT TO DEAL WITH IS MR. FUCKING GOGGLES OVER HERE.  
Rose: I’ll leave you to it then.  


Rose stood up with a flourish and quickly flew over to the transportalizer, then absconded. You almost couldn’t believe it. You felt a surge of anger well inside of you, but found you were able to quickly quell it. This was par for the course for Rose. Besides, you had thoroughly embarrassed her in front of Kanaya yesterday by revealing her penchant for writing wizard smut, so perhaps this was some sort of karmic justice bullshit.  
Karkat had begun to walk forward and you turned to look at him again. He stood a few feet from you, crossed his arms and began to tap his foot.  


Karkat: YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THAT FUCKING WITH LALONDE IS A RECIPE FOR DISASTER  
Karkat: BUT WHAT THE FUCK WAS SHE TALKING ABOUT?  
  


You quickly weighed your options. You didn’t see why you couldn't tell him. Sure, it’d be playing into Rose’s hand, but while she may be annoying, you know she harbours no ill-will towards you. Plus maybe it really would mean never running into the clown again and for that it was worth it.  


Dave: i ran into your juggalo boyfriend last night hess creepy as fuck  
Karkat: YOU’RE UPSET BECAUSE YOU HAD TO TALK TO GAMZEE? STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING WRIGGLER.  
Dave: nah man hes real fucking weird massive murder trolls and dark hallways dont mix  
Dave: almost took off his head  


You could tell that comment set Karkat off and you sat back in your seat as you let your lips quirk up slightly. Curses and words spilled from his throat as he yelled up a storm, flailing his arms to add emphasis to some of his more creative curses. You were pretty sure he was defending Gamzee, but the constant stream of insults directed your way made it hard to tell if his focus had shifted to insulting you instead. You completely forgot about Rose as you listened smugly to Karkat’s tirade.  


Dave: you done bro?  
KARKAT: YOU AND LALONDE ARE THE SAME YOU KNOW THAT? SMUG NOOKSNIFFING PIECES OF SHIT. IT’S HARD TO TELL YOU TWO APART WHEN THE SIZE OF YOUR EGO IS....  


You block out the rest of Karkat’s words and internally goran. Back to Rose. Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose. God you just stopped thinking about her and now Karkat was dragging it back up again.  


Dave: whoa whoa man im not into the hatemance stuff you know that better go get your boyfriend to suck you off if youre that riled up cause hate flirting with me aint gonna get it done  
Karkat: EW THAT’S FUCKING DISGUSTING. YOU DON’T FUCKING PAIL YOUR MOIRAIL. I KNOW YOU HUMANS ARE ALL SICK FUCKS BUT THAT’S A STRICT NO.  
Dave: dont care  


Karkat began yelling again, but you simply ignored him. You stood up and brushed past Karkat, reaching your hand up to his head and rubbing. You feelyounr fingers brush his horns for a brief moment before you continue moving on to the transportalizer. You felt him suddenly freeze up his voice stopping, probably in rage, and decided to leave with a parting comment before zapping yourself away. Nothing quite like the ol’ condescending head rub to piss someone off.  


Dave: save your breath for your buddies dick k?  


You hear Karkat shouting at you before you teleport away.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


The next week passes without much incident. You spent most of your time bouncing back and forth between your various friends and of course, harassing Karkat. Honestly, he wasn't too bad to be around. Much better than you had first thought. What can you say? The troll was seemingly limitless well of anger. You wonder why he didn’t end up a rage player.  
You are about to go back to your room, having finished your brief visit with Kanaya and Rose, when Vriska and Terezi call out to you. The pair of trolls were leaning against the wall outside of Kanaya’s respiteblock and if you could smell trouble they’d reak. But whatever they wanted, it was almost bound to be entertaining. It almost always was.  


Terezi: COM3 W1TH US.   
Vriska: yeah  
Vriska: We have some questionssssssss to ask.  


You shrug your shoulders and decide to follow the pair. It’s not like you had anything better to do. You could hunt down Karkat to antagonize him more, but you didn’t feel like today was a “piss off karkat day” besides, you hadn’t seen Terezi and Vriska in a few days anyway. The two were dangerous alone but lethal together and you secretly hoped they planned to raise hell. However, they decidedly were not planning on raising hell and instead led you to pile of plush dragons, blankets, pillows, and broken eight balls. You didn’t really understand why trolls like piles so much, but you had decided to not ask about much of the trolls weird behavior.  


Vriska: So I’m just going to ask it.  
Vriska: 8ecuase I don’t understand what the hell Lalonde was on a8bout.  
Terezi: YES. PL3AS3 DAV3, ENL1GHT3N US.  
Terezi: DO3S YOUR SP3C13S S3R1OUSLY H4V3 D1FF3R3NT P4RTS?  


The question caught you off guard. You’re pretty sure they’re asking about your junk, which by extension, means Rose was talking about human junk with trolls. You had a feeling Kanaya was involved in this.  


Dave: uh  
Dave: like by parts what do you mean  
Vriska: She o8biously means the shit 8etween your legs.   


Ah. So exactly what you had thought. You briefly consider leaving right then and there, but you have a feeling that Terezi and Vriska were not going to let this go until you told them something.  


Dave: i mean yeah i guess we do  
Dave: girls have like  
Dave: alright so guys have dicks and girls have vaginas right? and to have kids a guys gotta i guess you guys would call it pailing? Well hes gotta pail a girl and then she can have kids  
Terezi: Y3S ROS3 TOLD US 4LL 4BOUT TH4T >:]   
Vriska: Humans are gross.  


The conversation was making you really uncomfortable, but you refused to let that show. It was awkward trying to give the talk to other aliens who you’re pretty sure are around the same age as you and who, if you’re being honest, are actually pretty attractive.  


Terezi: SO WH4TS 4 HOMOS3XU4AL?  
Terezi: 4LL K4RK4T 3V3R S4YS 1S TH4AT 1TS DUMB HUM4N STUFF  
Terezi: BUT 1 KNOW TH4T'S WHY JOHN R3J3CT3D H1M  
Dave: okay so because the only people who can make kids are men and women. so like its normal for girls to only like guys and guys to only like girls  
Dave: and what side of the equation your on is how you know if youre a guy or a girl  
Dave: if you have a dick you’re a guy and if you don’t youre a girl  
Terezi: CL34RLY GUYS C4N L1K3 GUYS THOUGH, 1’VE S33N YOU P1TCH FL1RT1NG W1TH K4RK4T.  
Terezi: YOUR SP3C13S CL34RLY DO3SN’T ONLY C4R3 4BOUT R3PRODUC1NG.  


Terezi has a wicked grin on her face, eyeing you up. She lets off a stream of cackling laughter as she stares you down. You almost rise to the bait, but hold you tongue. This was a trap.  


Dave: i told you i dont do your blackrom hatelove thing and nothing is gonna change my mind  


Terezi opens her mouth to begin to respond, but Vriska’s voice once again joins the fray.  


Vriska: So you are a 8oy because you have a dick?  
Vriska: You're full of shit. Rose said that was 8ullshit. She said that humans were whatever gender they wanted to 8e and that there are no boy and girl parts and if you have term for 8oys liking other 8oys.  
Vriska: well what gives?  
Vriska: 8ecause what you’re saying is not what she was   
Terezi: Y3AH, 1S SH3 WRONG?  


You’re not really sure how to answer them. You’re also not sure if she’s asking if Rose is wrong or Vriska was. You suppose it’s all the same. To make matter worse, you also weren’t sure if Vriska was just fucking with you. You knew the two of them had already picked up on your discomfort and were only driving the awkwardness of the situation further. Fucking trolls girls. How was this going so wrong so quickly? You weren’t exactly keen on defending earth culture norms, but at the same time you didn’t want to tell them Rose was wrong. You didn’t even know if she really was, but it wasn’t something you wanted to think of let alone talk about. Still, the two girls in front of you genuinely invested in your words, despite their sadistic enjoyment of your discomfort, which you guess you can understand. They seemed less frustrated at the conflicting information and more interested in what you were saying in general. Sometimes hearing about shit on Alternia is pretty interesting, but having your own culture being viewed through such an alien lens was incredibly bizarre.  


Dave: i mean, i guess you can? Its not like its unheard of i guess  
Dave: i mean those people on earth were like  
Dave: you know people really didn’t like them, i think? like youre not really supposed to feel like that  
Dave: but you know if you havent figured it out humans can be pretty shitty  
Terezi: ON ALTERNIA YOU G3T TO JUST P1CK   
Vriska: earth is sooooooooooo lame  
Vriska: It’s not really a 8ig deal or anything  
Terezi: TH3R3 AR3 SOME BLOOD CAST3S THAT ARE MOSTLY ONE GENDER, L1KE JADEBLOODS AND PURPLEBLOODS.  
Terezi: BUT 1T’S NOT L1K3 YOU’R3 R3ALLY FORC3D TO B3 ON3 OR THE OTH3R.  
Terezi: SO YOU’R3 4 BOY BUT YOU D1DN’T P1CK TH4T? DO YOU W4NT TO B3?  


Terezi seemed genuinely interested, but you can also tell you let your face show something, because she gets a predatory looks in her eyes and somehow grins wider. You pray to god she doesn’t press you.  
Still, you clench up at her question and press your mouth into a thin line. You didn’t want to think about that. Ever. You didn’t care what Rose told them, but you knew you were a guy. You had a dick. That’s how it was on earth. You wouldn’t argue with them or Rose for that matter. Ever. You did not want to think about the topic. You briefly wonder if Rose had put them up to this. You’ve never had a conversation with Terezi and Vriska where there wasn’t some sort of ulterior motive. However, you had enough of explaining earth gender politics to aliens. Time to get out of this.  


Dave: i mean yeah im a guy i picked to be one too kinda  
Dave: yo its complicated ask Rose she knows more about this than me  


Typically you would never send someone to your sister for something you can explain. Especially since she was going to catch wind of this and god knows what conclusions she’d pull from her brain. But you wanted out of the conversation. Terezi and Vriska seemed to notice you were done talking about it after you fail to respond to their taunts and jeers for more information. Finally, Vriska breaks the topic off and the three of you began to idly chat about the game. Secretly, you wanted to ask more about Alternian gender, but you knew that Terezi and Vriska were hardly going to tell you that much. From what little they had said, it was obvious they rarely thought about it. Even if they did by asking you were playing with fire. You idly think about asking Kanaya, but fine yourself remaining conflicting. You don’t know why you care so much. Shit isn’t a big deal. Your stomach finally gave a rumble and Terezi lets out a wicked laugh as you excuse yourself to get food. Fuck yeah thanks stomach, couldn’t have been a more convenient growl.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


You go to the kitchen to and try Alchemize some food, epsecailly make apple juice, but you can’t stop replaying your conversation with Vriska and Terezi in your head. Do you want to be? Terezi’s question echoes in your head and your glare at the alchemiter, trying to root out the thought. Wanting to change parts of yourself was normal. No one loved how they looked all the time.  
A sense of deja vu washes over you as your hear the Alchemiter fire up and you suppress a groan. You know it’s Karkat. You were just with Terezi and Vriska and Kanaya and Rose were off doing whatever they do now. Usually antagonizing the shouty troll gave you a great deal of pleasure, but today you didn’t feel like it. Being yelled at by Karkat was surprisingly low on your list of things to do all things considered. You stood up to leave, after all you gotta be selective with fights you know? Can’t go and take every fight like a shitty 80s action hero. Like your stuck on a plane with convicts who are trying to kill you. It’s just impractical.  
Karkat takes a step off the transportalizer and glances at you as you stand up to walk past him. You have a feeling he was going to level at least one insults at you, it was in his nature, but today he looked more tired than usual. His expression was downcast and quite honestly, he looked like shit. A pang of sympathy rings in your chest. Karkat was annoying sure, but you didn’t want to see him downright depressed. Still, you hardly wanted to navigate the minefield of Karkat Vantas, so you continued forward, ignoring the troll entirely.  


Karkat: YEAH THAT’S RIGHT STRIDER JUST FUCKING IGNORE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE  
Karkat: EVERYBODY CAN’T WAIT TO LEAVE THE ROOM AS SOON AS MY MUTANT ASS WALKS IN.   


You pause and turn around, your foot coming down just in front of the transportalizer. You let a frown overtake your face. This was very unlike him. Even his insults came off as less creative than usual and his usually loud, demanding voice was quiet and subdued.  


Dave: alright what’s got your panties in a twist?  


You almost regret the words as soon as they come out of your mouth. You were hardly in a state to console anyway, being that you were about to go and brood yourself. Karkat turns around and looks at you, his eyes narrowing, body tense. You watch as Karkat slides into a chair at the table, his eyes never leaving your form.  


Karkat: WHAT? GOING TO PITY ME NOW STRIDER? DO YOUR GOOD DEED FOR THE DAY?  
Dave: nah bro  
Dave: you look like shit and it’s obvious youre upset  
Dave: and theres no one here but me so i dont know do you want to talk about it?  


Karkat face briefly turns into a look of confusion, then once again transfers into his all too familiar expression of rage. He was about to rant at you. You once again kick yourself for engaging in the first place and turn around to exit, when a surprisingly subdued voice calls out to you again.  


Karkat: I MEAN-  
Karkat: GAMZEE ENDED OUR MOIRALLEGIANCE.  


A brief bolt of surprise races through you. Was he serious? You thought Gamzee was awful, but you knew Karkat had a thing for him. They were troll dating after all. You made a mental note have Karkat explain to you the exact nuance of what the meant. You turn back around and take a step forward. Yelling at Karkat from across the room was hardly the most productive way to continue with the conversation.  


Dave: he broke up with you?  
Dave: why?  
Karkat: I DON’T KNOW.  
Karkat: HE’S BEEN ACTING REALLY WEIRD FOR A WHILE  
Karkat: AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED I THOUGHT WE COULD FINALLY RECONNECT YOU KNOW?  
Karkat: BUT HE HIDES AND HE WON’T LISTEN TO ME EVER AND I DON’T EVEN THINK I CAN PACIFY HIM ANYMORE.  
Karkat: THE ONLY REASON HE BEHAVES IS BECAUSE VRISKA WILL KILL HIM IF HE DOESN’T.  
Karkat: WHICH IS REALLY PATHETIC.  
Karkat: I COULDN'T EVEN UPHOLD A MOIRALLEGIANCE WITH THE MOST PACIFICABLE TROLL IN THE HISTORY OF PARADOX SPACE.  


You sit at the table next to him and rest your head on a hand as you listen. You were hardly shocked that Gamzee was terrible once again, but you were somewhat surprised at Karkat’s reaction. You have never seen him quite so vulnerable. You didn’t know how to proceed.  


Dave: i know i dont really know much about your moirail thing  
Dave: but it sounds like he was a shitty boyfriend  
Dave: i mean isnt the point of moirail stuff to talk to each other? dont blame yourself dude gamzee just sucks 

You watch Karkat closely, trying to catch his reaction. You hoped you didn’t fuck this up. Finally, after a tense moment, Karkat seemed to deflate as he relaxed back into his chair.  


Karkat: I GUESS.  
Karkat: BUT HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND.  
Karkat: AND…  


Karkat stops talking to carefully consider his next words.  


Karkat: IT WAS NICE TO FEEL WANTED.  


The confession surprises you. You never pegged Karkat for the emotional type, but now that you thought about it, it made sense. Afterall, no one's identity could be summed up into their worst character traits.  


Dave: hey i know i give you a lot of shit  
Dave: but i do consider you to be my friend  
Dave: and i like having you around so i guess one person wants you right?  


Karkat turns to look at you, this time his expression entirely inscrutable. You hoped you didn’t say the totally wrong thing. You were never really good at being supportive, that was more John’s and Jade’s wheelhouse than anything else.  


Karkat: UH THANK YOU. FOR LISTENING.  
Dave: so uh what actually happened?  


Karkat launches into a retelling of what seems to be to you, a really bad relationship. It reminds you of your brother. Some of the things Karkat said would say strike a chord, all too familiar to your brain. Especially the lack of attention. You listen carefully, chiming in every now and then to give advice. By the end of it, you had completely forgotten your conversation with Terezi and Vriska. When Karkat finally stopped talking, he looked shyly at you. The moment seems to stretch out into eternity, your time powers seemingly falling away. Finally, Karkat breaks the silence  


Karkat: WANT TO GO WATCH MOVIES?  
Dave: hell yeah  
______________________________________________________________________________

It had been a few months since you and Karkat had started really hanging out and they had been some of the best you’ve had so far on the meteor. Karkat came off as harsh, but was actually a rather thoughtful, private troll. You didn’t realize how much he didn’t tell you until the two of you started talking. You in turn, shared some of your secrets, if you could even call them that. You told him about bro, about what life was like on earth. He wanted to see what color your eyes were, and you showed him but you were still unwilling to remove your shades in most cases. Still the two of you carried on, hanging out with the mayor, watching movies, and generally wasting time. It was...nice. Nice to not have the world always trying to kill you, nice to be able to relax, even if it was temporary. Karkat told you a lot about Alternia and honestly, you could understand why trolls were so violent. Karkat talked so casually about lowbloods being culled, about drones destroying hives, and the general atmosphere of thinly-veiled hostility. No wonder he came out so angry.  
Currently the two of you were seated in Karkat's respiteblock. A movie was playing in the background, but neither of you were particularly paying attention. Instead, your head was supporting your head against the couch as you listened to Karkat talk, this time about quadrants.  


Karkat: SO YEAH THERE ARE FOUR TYPES OF ROMANCE AND EVERY TROLL IS TRYING TO FILL THEM ALL.  
Karkat: I GUESS THEY’RE PROBABLY NOT SO IMPORTANT NOW THAT YOU DON’T GET CULLED FOR NOT HAVING A MATESPRIT AND KISMESIS IN TIME.  
Karkat: BUT NO TROLL IS EVER REALLY COMPLETE WITHOUT THEIR QUADRANTMATES.  
Dave: yeah i get why it was imporant, but like...  
Dave: well first not gonna lie but your queen or whatever sounds like a hugh bitch  
Dave: Im talking beyond vriska levels of bitchiness here tooshit so bitchy the word was invented only to describe-  
Karkat: GET TO THE POINT STRIDER.  
Dave: alright alright  
Dave: so i know you all have quadrants and whatever but why cant you have someone in more than one quadrant? i get that you needed a matesprit and kismesis to not die but why cant your matesprit be your moirail too? Dave: thats how it is for humans most of the time  
Karkat: QUADRANT VACILLATION IS NORMAL, BUT TROLLS WILL ALWAYS SETTLE INTO ONE.  


Karkat looked uncomfortable, like what you were asking was extremely taboo. Your interest piqued, you forged forward, hoping to pull more out of the shouty troll.  


Dave: nah man  
Dave: i mean what stops a troll from feeling pale and flush for the same troll? if you all vaccialate then clearly you can feel more than one way about someone right?  


Karkat bites his lip and looks down, his face conflicted. You want to ask again, but you have a feeling pressing the issue would only make him clam up more. Finally, after waiting for a minute in silence, Karkat begins to speak again.  


Karkat: THERE ARE SOME STORIES ABOUT TROLLS WHOSE LOVE ASCENDED THE QUADRANTS.  
Karkat: BUT THERE ALL BULLSHIT.  
Karkat: IT’S NOT REALLY A THING ON ALTERNIA OTHER THAN JUST IN HUSHED MYTHS.  
Karkat: WANTING SOMEONE IN MORE THAN ONE QUADRANT IS WEIRD, IT’S NOT ACCEPTED AND YOU WOULD GET CULLED FOR IT.  
Karkat: BESIDES ITS GROSS ANYWAY. IT’D BE LIKE EATING YOUR LUSUS’S LEFTOVER FOOD LIKE A FUCKING SAVAGE. ALMOST ALL TROLLS HAVE NOT A SINGLE FUCKING PROBLEM WITH QUADRANTS.  
Karkat: IT’S ONLY THE WEIRD FUCKS WHO WANT TO HOG ONE TROLL INTO EVERY GODDAMN QUADRANT LIKE THEY’RE A HIGHBLOOD COLLECTING TREASURE.  
Dave: i dunno that sounds kinda harsh  
Dave: like killing all these people  
Dave: just cause like they liked someone in more than one way? wanted to experience all the flavors of the goods  
Dave: im just saying  
Karkat: IT’S NOT LIKE YOU HUMANS ARE MUCH BETTER, YOUR SPECIES WORKED ITSELF INTO A FRENZY IF TWO GUYS OR TWO GIRLS WERE IN ANY QUADRANT.  
Dave: yeah i mean humans arent the best sometimes i guess  
Dave: but i mean we didnt kill those people  
Dave: actually wait  
Dave: nevermind okay we kinda did but like  
Dave: the government wasnt super down for it i think? i mean it definitely still happened and...  
Dave: i guess there were places were like the government condoned it  
Dave: you know what it was bad but it wasnt like kill on sight bad all the time everywhere you went sorta deal  
Dave: people just hid it too  


Karkat looks at you, a look of pure confusion on his face.  


Karkat: YEAH IT WAS LIKE THAT ON ALTERNIA TOO HOW DO YOU THINK I LIVED THERE? WHAT DID YOU THINK THE ONLY PLACE I OCCUPIED WAS MY HIVE?  


A silence hangs in there for a moment and the pause soon becomes awkward. You’re not really sure how to proceed and Karkat looks, he doesn’t either. You decide to swap from trying to criticize Alternian culture, because yikes you’re not even sure if humans wouldn’t have been like trolls if they could have. That and that conversation was starting to drift into Karkat’s blood, which while important, wasn’t the goal of the Karkat’s quadrant lesson. A burst of insight hits your brain as realization smacks you.  


Dave: so i guess wanting someone in all your quadrants is like being...earth gay?  
Dave: i know i said there was some bad stuff but theres nothing wrong with being gay people were just shitty  
Karkat: WELL THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH WANTING SOMEONE IN EVERY QUADRANT OKAY? UNLESS YOU’RE THE FUCKING SUFFERER AND DISCIPLE YOU’RE NOT ABOVE QUADRANTS.  


You open your mouth to respond, but decide to let the issue rest. You’d have to ask someone else about this, because it was clear that Karkat wasn’t interested in elucidating things anymore than he already had. The room had a tension to it now as well, and you were pretty sure talking more wouldn’t diffuse it. So, you decide to try some physical contact, let him know everything all good. You raise your hand and ruffle his hair, feeling almost as if your body is moving on its own. You nearly smirk when you see him suddenly relax, a light dusting of red starts to cover his cheeks and he shoots another dirty look you way.  


Karkat: YOU STUPID HUMANS ARE PALE FOR EVERYONE AREN’T YOU? THE TOWN TWO WHEEL DEVICE FOR PALE RELATIONSHIPS? THIS IS PERVERTED DAVE.  
Dave: hey man i listened to your stupid quadrant talk the least you can do is engage in some good ol fashion human culture think of it like a cultural exchange  


In truth you didn’t know what compelled you to continue to run your hands through his hair. It was surprisingly soft and the way he sighed and relaxed into you was...well the only word you could find was cute. But hey, sometimes the trolls were cute. You assure yourself that it was normal to think that. Shit they probably felt the same way about humans.  


The two of you sat quietly, attention turning back into movie, when you felt Karkat shift his body, pressing it into yours. You shoot him a questioning look, but he only draws himself closer before cuddling into you and resting his head on your shoulder. You’re straight up staring at him at this point, nearly panicking. This was all moving a bit fast, you hardly expected Karkat to snuggle up to you like a cat. Though you suppose trolls were a bit like cats weren’t they? Rose claims they purred, they liked touching, and if Karkat’s case, were moody as fuck. Though to be honest, you didn’t mind touching Karkat either. His body was warm and you found yourself idly wondering what he sounds like when he purrs, curious if Rose’s claims were true. You reach your hand up to continue stroking his hair and you suddenly find out as you hear and feel a low vibration begin to emanate from Karkat’s chest. You once again shoot the troll a look, this one smug. Karkat simply glares at you, but makes no motion to move  


Karkat: IF YOU’RE GOING TO ACT ALL PALE WITH ME THEN YOU CAN’T COMPLAIN.  
Dave: its all good were just bros chilling this wasnt even unusual on earth  


The lie came easily and you almost believed it yourself. You doubted Karkat did though, but if he had doubts he didn't voice them. Besides, it was easier to pretend that this was normal, that having Karkat pressed against you was just friendly, even if it was making your heart beat faster. You didn’t want to push him away though. This was nice and it had been a long time since anyone had touched you in any real significant way. In fact, you realized you’d never really cuddled with anyone before. You ignore the feelings rushing through you and just breathe. You tell yourself once again that you were just friends. Yeah. That was it. You were just good friends. Karkat and you turn your attention back to the TV for the rest of the night, but Karkat never moves. Neither do you.  
______________________________________________________________________________  


You blink awake and groan, quickly closing your eyes once again. You really didn’t want to be up. You had slept better than you ever had and you were still really warm. Still, consciousness called and you couldn’t keep your eyes shut for much longer. You sit up with a groan, rubbing your eyes behind your shades to try to and get the sleep out of your eyes. You glanced down to look at your bed, curious as to what blanket could be so exceedingly warm and promptly lose your shit.  
Karkat was passed out still clinging to your side, his chest rising and falling gently. He had a leg thrown over both of yours and an arm was draped across your chest, while his head was buried in your shoulder. He looked incredibly comfortable, adorable even. You however, were having a hard time focusing on that right now. In fact, that you saw him like that was part of the problem. You couldn’t like Karkat Vantas. This wasn’t some high school movie, there was no way you had a crush on him. Even with the thought in your mind, you dared not wake him, terrified of what he might say. Right now you were in control, Karkat couldn’t say anything, change the situation, because if he was awake you’re not sure what he would do. You didn’t know if he would try to pull your closer, creep his face closer to yours and then crush his lips against yours while pressing you-  


You shake your head rapidly, trying to dismiss the thoughts were swimming through your head. You knew what you needed to do. You needed to talk to Rose. She was the only other human available. Just like you couldn’t really understand the trolls were hemospectrum shit, you knew they wouldn’t be able to understand your problems either. Your conversation with Terezi and Vriska proved as much. You feel and you felt your anxiety rising the longer you stayed in the room. You quickly untangle yourself from Karkat, willing your god tier robes to smooth themselves out. It was time to find Rose.  


You didn’t go to look for Rose, instead you first returned to your room, egear to shower. Rose probably wasn’t even awake yet and if she was, she was probably with Kanaya. You just needed a minute alone, time to adjust. This wasn’t a big deal. Sure you were freaking out when you woke up, but for Karkat it was just some pale romance thing. Troll romance was dumb anyway and it wasn’t like cuddling with friends was weird. On the meteor you saw people doing it almost everyday. Sure they were all in various stages of relationships, but that didn’t mean you had to be in one.  


You’re jerked out of your thoughts as you hear a message pop up on your pesterchum. You glance at your computer, mulling over whether to answer it. It could be Karkat, wondering where you were, why you left him this morning. You tapped your foot nervously before turning around, deciding to shower first. Whoever was messaging you could wait until you were clean. You walked into the bathroom, stripping out of your robes and tossing them haphazardly to the floor. Not like it matters really, things were magic or some shit so them getting dirty was low on your list of concerns. You turn the shower on, then turned to take a look in the mirror, curious as to how messy your hair really was. Suddenly, your stomach drops and dread fills your veins. The image in the mirror was just wrong. Intensely, utterly, wrong. You see the beginnings of stubble forming on your face and a deep sense of terror and disgust bubbles up. You can’t stop looking though and you stare at yourself, no longer in control of your own actions, you pluck off your sunglasses and glare at your reflection. Your hands shake and you find it harder to breathe. Your face looked wrong, it was too thin and angular, the baby fat it once carried slowly being stripped away. Your eyes shifted down to look at your chest, the sound of the water now an afterthought. It bothered you that it was so broad, your shoulders so far apart. You sunk to the floor, feeling hot tears building behind your eyes. Before you could stop yourself, they were sliding down your face as a deep feeling of discomfort settle inside of you. Your body felt disgusting.  


You weren’t sure how long you laid on the floor, but the water in your shower was ice cold when you turned off. You put your robes on again and attempt to stand up. You feel slow and sluggish, each action and thought on delay. You shuffled out of the bathroom and looked at your computer. You remember that someone had messaged you. You decided to ignore it again, unwilling to talk to anyone right now. You just wanted to sleep. Or maybe you just wanted to lay in bed, either desire led to the same location. You flick off your lights and then flop onto your bed. As soon as your head hits the pillow, a familiar grating voice barks out from beyond your door.  


Karkat: STRIDER I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE.  
Karkat: NO ONE HAS SEEN YOU ALL DAY.  
Karkat: AND MORE IMPORTANTLY THAN THAT, WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU WHEN I WOKE UP? WHAT? DID YOU FUCKING HAVE TO REWIND TIME OR SOMETHING? GO OFF TO RUB YOUR BULGE? .  


You open your mouth to respond, but you realize you don’t really know what to say. Should you tell him you didn’t feel good? You were sick? Should you tell him to just go away? You winced at that last thought and shake your head. No. You couldn’t do that. Karkat would not take that well and honestly you wouldn’t blame him for it.  
Karkat: DAVE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU IN THERE? I SWEAR TO GOD I’M GOING TO LET MYSELF IN.  
You opened your mouth again to object, but it was too late. You saw the door swinging open and watched as Karkat poked his head through, his eyes scanning the room. You can’t believe that you hadn’t remembered to lock the door. How could you forget something so simple? It was too late though and you watched with growing dread as Karkat finally caught sight of you laying in bed.  


Karkat: DAVE WHAT THE FUCK? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?  


Karkat’s voice was softer than usual and you’re surprised that you don’t receive the typical string of insults the troll was so fond of.  


Dave: yeah man just a bit sick  


You wince as soon as soon as the words leave your mouth. Your voice is too deep, buzzing too low in your throat. You feel another wave of discomfort roll over you. You’re pretty sure Karkat knows you’re lying and if you’ve learned anything about Karkat at all, it’s that he won’t leave until you spill your problems. You watched the troll, who at first you thought was simply an angry unsympathetic beast, drag secrets and confessions from Rose of all people. Maybe it was something to do with his aspect or maybe it was just Karkat being Karkat. Right now you didn’t think it mattered. Right now, a friend didn’t seem so bad. Especially if that friend was Karkat. Maybe only if it was Karkat.  


Karkat: LISTEN YOU BULDGEMUNCHER I KNOW YOU’RE FULL OF SHIT. HOW WOULD YOU EVEN GET SICK? THIS METEOR IS MORE STERILE THAN A-  
Dave: alright you got me, maybe I'm not sick but I seriously don’t feel good k?  


On second thought, maybe you were sick. The thoughts that were flitting back and forth in your head certainly did not make you feel good. Unlike normal sickness, you had a feeling this one won’t go away all on its own.  
You watch as Karkat cautiously takes a step into the room, then watch as he closes the door behind him. Oh god he was walking closer. What should you do? You didn’t want him to see you like this, torn up and useless, but you can't will yourself to stop him. Why couldn’t you do it? Striders weren’t supposed to be weak, Strider men don’t back down, don’t show weakness, and they certainly don’t let emotion confine them to their bed. You sink further into yourself as you think of Bro. What would he say if you saw you like this? He’d probably kick your ass into next Sunday for being weak, for being unable to mask yourself. You’d deserve it too.  


Before you can process it, Karkat is standing on the side of your bed, looking down at you. His usual look of annoyance was absent. He looked concerned, his brow wrinkled and his eyes searching. You turn your head away, too embarrassed to meet his eyes. No one should have to see you like this. A sudden pressure on the bed tears you out of your thoughts and you see Karkat sit. Suddenly you feel Karkat’s palm gently touching your cheek as he gently pats it. You hear him quietly shoosh you as he continues to pet your cheek. You can’t stop yourself. Tears spill out of your eyes and a sob racks your body. You feel Karkat gently tugging your head into his lap, his free hand moving to gently stroke your hair. A deep sense of comfort washes over you, the feeling that, so long as Karkat was there, it would be okay. You let yourself relax. Karkat would take care of you. You knew you shouldn’t let someone see you this vulnerable, but right now you can’t imagine Karkat hurting you. Honestly, you couldn’t imagine him hurting you ever.  


You’re not sure when you stop crying, all you know is that you feel even more exhausted before. You want to apologize to Karkat, afterall no one should have to see you being that pathetic, but you can’t find the words to say sorry. Instead you find different words pouring out of your mouth. You told him about your discomfort with your body, your confused feelings about Rose. You told him about how people with feelings like yours were treated on Earth. You told him you had no idea what to do, how to feel, what it all meant. It felt good to open up and Karkat listened quietly all the while, never interrupting you, never teasing. You’re not sure he understood most of it, the quiet sobs that spilled out of your throat were hardly made your speech clear, but nonetheless he listened. Soon, you felt your words slow down and your eyes grow heavy. you let your eyes slip shut and pray that Karkat would be there when you woke up.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


You wake up feeling much better, the dark thoughts of earlier pushed back to where they belonged. Never to be looked at. You find yourself happy to note that Karkat was indeed still with you, albeit fast asleep. Somehow, the two of you ended up cuddled together, the same as last night. You thought about moving again, body tense, but then decided to relax. You had already ran away once and it hadn’t helped, Karkat had just found you again. Besides, there was something very comfortable about being wrapped up around Karkat. He was warm. His skin was slightly thicker than yours and you could feel the various muscles that lay just beneath his skin. They curled in alien ways, forming and controting themselves in way that humans’ didn’t. Fascinated, you raise your hand and begin to feel around Karkat’s body, tracing your fingertips against his form. You’re not sure what possesses you to do it, but touching him felt nice and you were tired of questioning your instincts. You gently trace your hands up to his head and thread you fingers through his hair, gently running your fingers through it like he did for you. His hair was surprisingly soft. You had assumed that nearly everything about trolls was hard and rugged, but the more you touched Karkat, the more you realized it wasn’t the case. You finally reach your hand up and move to touch his horns, something you’ve been longing to do with well, any troll really. They all seemed somewhat sensitive about anyone touching them. You gently reached your hand up to run along Karkat’s, humming in surprise at how they felt. They were almost fuzzy, small invisible hairs coated the entire length. You keep running your hand along it, lost in the feel. You idly wondered if they were sensitive. You get your answer when you hear a long, slow purr roll out of Karkat’s throat. Or maybe it wasn’t his throat. Honestly, troll biology still confused you. You yank your hand away as if you were touching something hot and prayed that Karkat hadn’t woken up.  


Karkat: OH MY GOD DAVE IF YOU’RE GOING TO TOUCH MY HORNS, YOU CAN’T JUST STOP. THE *LEAST* YOU CAN DO IS REST YOUR HANDS ON THEM.  


Karkat’s voice was surprisingly quiet and sleepy, but he didn’t seem angry. Had he been awake the whole time? Your hand was still frozen, hovering only a few inches from his horns when Karkat opens his eyes and stares at you.  


Karkat: DAVE?   
Dave: yeah yeah hold your horses, ill touch them again  


You reach your hand out and gently start rubbing again. A sigh pours out of Karkat’s throat and he burrows his head deeper into you. A deep purr continues to rumble out of his thorat, only sometimes it was interrupted by loud clicks and chirrs. You keep rubbing, hypnotized by the noises Karkat was making.  


Karkat: LOWER.  
KARKAT: BASE OF MY HORNS.  


Karkat’s voice is rough and high, a purr lacing every single one of his words. You feel your body heat up, but you can’t stop yourself and you press your fingers firmly into the baseof them. Doctors orders after all. Karkat lets a particularly loud chirp, his mouth opening to release a slight gasp. The room suddenly feels too hot, the heat that had been pooling in your stomach turning into an inferno. You yank your hand away quickly.  


Dave: uh are you alright? I didnt hurt you right? you were making some pretty weird noises  


The heat in the air seems to instantly drain and Karkat suddenly jerks away from you, as if he finally realized the position he was in. He throws himself as far away from you on the bed as possible, then turns to look at you, his breath still ragged and unevening.  


Karkat: OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY.  
Karkat: I KNOW I’M DISGUSTING, I CAN’T KEEP MY QUADRANTS IN CHECK. FUCK I SHOULD JUST JUMP OF THE METEOR AND DIE NOW. MAYBE A ALTERNATE VERSION OF ME WILL REPLACE CURRENT ME AND I CAN JUST DIE IN PEACE.  


You don’t know how to respond, in fact you’re not really sure what’s going on. Was Karkat saying he liked you? You thought he said you were in the bro quadrant last night. You take another look at him and nearly cringe, mentally kicking yourself. He certainly didn’t look like what you were doing was strictly friendly and judging by the red on his face, you just majorly fucked up.  


Dave: i uh  
Dave: im sorry i dont-  
Dave: are you alright should i have not done that?  


You already know what the answers going to be, in fact you’d be shocked if he said anything different. But you felt like one thing was clear, you couldn’t abscond and you didn’t want to let him either. Karkat had spent all day dealing with you, the least you could do was talk out what weirdness that had just occurred between you.  


Karkat: NO DON’T APOLOGIZE, IT’S MY FAULT.  
Karkat: I CAN’T-  
Karkat: WHAT YOU JUST DID WASN’T PALE AND I SHOULDN’T HAVE LIKED IT, I’M GROSS FOR ASKING YOU TO DO IT.  
Dave: why shouldnt you have like it?  
Dave: i mean if your horns are all sensitive and shit isnt it normal?  


You’re not sure where your courage comes from, but all you want to do is make Karkat stop freaking out. His eyes were widening in panic the longer he sat across from you and you start to recognize the signs of incoming freakout, god knows you would know. You crawl forward, course of action decided. You reach out with your palm, pap his face, and whisper what you hope is a calm shoosh. Karkat freezes, his whole body going tense, but you can’t stop now. Karkat didn’t leave you. You continue to gently pap his face, continuing to shoosh him. Slowly, you watch the tension drain from Karkats muscle as he slumps against your chest. A sudden sob breaks the air and your heart wrenches. You don’t want to see him upset, you just want to keep him safe, to make sure that Karkat is okay. You wrap your other arm around Karkat and pull him into your chest, pressing your face into his hair. You continue to shoosh him, slowly laying back until Karkat was laying on top of your chest.  


You’re not sure how much time passes, but it hardly matters to you. You would be done when Karkat felt better. His breathing slows and eventually, you hear what sounds like his voice trying to talk to you. He pulls back slightly from your chest, looks you in the eyes, and just starts talking. He tells you everything. Explains to you quadrants vacillation. Karkat nearly broke out into tears again when he explained it all, but you listened as quietly and as non judgmentally as possible. Karkat explained that he could never do quadrants, he understood them, even felt pale and red and all the other ways, but never just one at a time. It was why he and Terezi’s matespritship failed, why all of his relationships had failed, even despite his obsession with all things romantic. You listen to him for a long time, the ache in your heart only growing. You finally pull the troll into a hug.  


Dave: its okay to be confused  
Dave: we’ll figure it out together k? not like we have to think about it all the time  
Karkat: OKAY.  


You really hope you do.  
______________________________________________________________________________

You and Karkat don’t talk about what happened, but both of you seem to acknowledge it. There is a layer of awkwardness that underlies your interactions, but after a few days it stops. The two of you had seemed to reach an understanding or at least you thought as much. The understanding seemed to include touching each other a lot more. Whenever you were alone and sometimes even when you were together. You didn’t mind much, it was okay. Time passed without much incident and life on the meteor went on. You managed to stave off boredom mostly and still managed to keep in contact with all the others, despite everyone’s general elusiveness. You still frequently ran into various trolls or Rose in the Kitchen on in a common area, but meeting on purpose was fairly rare. It had seemed all of you had paired off. No one had said anything, but it was an unacknowledged rumor that there was something between you and Karkat. While Karkat insisted it was a “fledgling moiralleingnce” you had your doubts. You had thought Karkat had gotten his quadrant stuff handled, but clearly he had done the same thing you had done with your own problems, shove them into the back of your head. You guess you couldn’t blame him.  


You decide that it was really time to talk to Rose. It had been a few weeks since your incidents with Karkat and things between the two of you had finally settled back into a realm of normalcy. Whatever the fuck normalcy meant anyway. You think of the last time you set out to talk and resolve to accomplish your goal this time. You woke up feeling fine and you quickly pester Rose to tell her your coming to her room. You have a feeling she already knows that, but “most fortuitous path” was a surprisingly vague term after you got down to it. Still, you pushed forward, weaving through the halls of the meteor on your quest for Rose. As you round the corner her room is on, you let a scowl cover you face. Because there was Rose, leaning against her door frame, the door wide open behind her. You’re not sure if she ever looked smugger. She wasn’t even in her godtiers, instead opting for a t-shirt and jeans. You make a mental note to make at least one butch lesbian joke before you leave. Retribution for the amount of smugness radiating from her was needed. You continued to walk forward until she is in front of you, her body blocking passage into her room  


Rose: Good morning Dave, sleep well?  
Rose: Your message seemed rather urgent and I had a feeling you were coming today, what can I do for you?  


Your eyes scanned her face as you try to figure out her game, but her it betrays nothing. Leave it to Lalonde to play mind games at a time like this. Her voice sounds slightly deeper, but you dismiss the thought as simple result of it being somewhat early, so you doubt striking on that front will give you an edge.  


Dave: just wanted to see the only other human on this rock  
Dave: that a crime? plan to arrest me? im sure one of the hunderds of empty rooms here could serve as a jail  
Dave: shit now that i think about it we should lock gamzee in one   
Rose: Something tells me that Karkat would be none too pleased if we were to imprison his moirail.   
Dave: theyre not moirails anymore   


You watch as Rose’s expression shift into one of curiosity as she hears your words. 

Rose: Oh is that so?  
Rose: Do come in, this piece of gossip is a bit too scandalous for the halls, don’t you think?   
Dave: what are you a victorian lady? gettin hot under your corset over there?   
Rose: I’m not the one sharing gossip now am I?   


You rack your brain for a reply, but are interrupted as she steps inside her room and waves you inside.  


Rose: After you Madam.   


Your retort is still stuck on your tongue as you walk into her room. You can feel your prankster's gambit plummet at your surrender, deciding to fight the snark war another day. You had a feeling that you were not going to come out of this one on top.  
Rose glides over to her bed and takes a seat, before backing up and resting against the headboard. You fly over to your bed and plop down on the opposite end, before turning your gaze to hers.  


Dave: so how are things  
Rose: Pretty well I’d say. Kanaya keeps me occupied and some of my researches into the more obscure mechanisms of the game are starting to bear fruit.  
Rose: However, I am sure you’re not here to listen to some of my theories and I hardly want to talk about them either.  
Dave: damn lalonde i didnt know you could read my thoughts should i get some tinfoil to guard my brainwaves?  
Rose: If I could read your thoughts I wouldn’t ask you questions.  
Rose: However do tell how you know Gamzee and Karkat aren’t moirails anymore? I thought you “didn’t care about alien romance.”  
Dave: karkat told me  
Rose: Really?  
Dave: why is that unbelievable or something?  
Rose: I was just under the impression that Karkat was a rather private person. It seems he must like you quite a bit to tell you anything.   
Dave: damn if he was private maybe he shouldnt scream so much  
Rose: If he weren’t private about his affairs I am positive Vriska would have heard about it and told the whole meteor before you you got the chance.  
Rose: So I am fairly certain that Karkat is more private than you think.  
Dave: i dunno he trusts me  
Dave: weve been hanging out more hes actually not that bad  
Rose: Yes, I am fairly certain the whole meteor has noticed that.  
Dave: bite me  
Dave: everyone else has paired up so i dont want to hear any shit  
Rose: Of course not Dave.  
Rose: Please tell me more about Karkat, despite sharing this meteor together I find myself largely in the dark abut him.   
Dave: he yells a lot but hes kind of a big softie? i dunno hes pretty cool though  
Dave: but damn do trolls have some weird hangups  
Rose: It is hardly like humans are better.  
Dave: i dont know i dont think humans freak out about not being able to force someone into a quadrant  
Rose: Well.  
Rose: Yes, I do suppose the trolls take their quadrants rather seriously don’t they?  
Dave: mhm  
Dave: alright so im just gonna ask whats up with you and Kanaya?  
Dave: are you a thing? im pretty sure youre a thing  
Rose: Yes, Dave, we are a “thing”  
Dave: what quadrant  
Dave: is she like your alien girlfriend now  
Dave: do the trolls even call it that? i swear ive heard it a few time but im starting to pick up some of the lingo  
Dave: like the goddamn cunning linguist i am  
Rose: I’m sure.  
Rose: But to answer you question, I believe she considers me to be her matesprit.  
Dave: nice  
Dave: so is she your girlfriend or not   
Rose: Yes, Dave. She is my girlfriend.  
Rose: You're one to talk though. What quadrant has Karkat placed you in?  
Dave: whoa  
Dave: hold up  
Dave: hes not trying to put me into any quadrant  
Dave: were just bros and we hang out  
Rose: Really now? For “Just Bros” he stands awfully close to you.  
Rose: Are you sure he doesn’t consider you something more?  
Dave: i dont do troll romance like you said  
Dave: we just hang out  
Dave: and yeah he stands close to me so what? not like you and maryam are much better with how often ive caught you sucking face  
Rose: Touchè  
Rose: So tell me about your dreams.  
Rose: Troll romance play any roles in it lately?   


You let a restrained smile slip onto your face. You were happy to avoid the issue and were glad that Rose had backed off. You thought you were going to come to sort out your issues, but instead you find yourself enjoying her company as it is instead. It was time for some human bonding, someone who won’t act like you references are made up fantasies. Someone human. Sometimes, you needed that.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends! This chapter is part of what makes this fic rated explicit so enjoy. Just imagine the beta kids and trolls are all aged up.

Most days were okay. Not today though, Not because Karkat was touching you, not because you were in a bad mood. In fact it was something far more sinister. You were bored. Karkat, you were almost positive, was bored too. He had been ranting and raving louder than usual and you had a feeling it was because he was going stir crazy. You understood the sentiment. There was only so much you could on the meteor afterall, only many movies and so many hours spent playing games. And there is nothing else you want to do with Karkat. Absolutely nothing. Totally. 

The genius idea the annoy someone else for once stikes you, and you and Karkat decide to go hunting for Rose. It had been a day since you had seen her and you decided that bothering her and most likely Kanaya, would be adequate entertainment for the day. Karkat happily joins you, a wicked grin sitting on his face. You thought about asking him what had him all excited, but you were pretty sure it was the prospect of fucking with Rose. Everyone had been wrapped up in at least one Lalonde plans so a bit of revenge might be nice. You let a slight smile slip onto your face in silent agreement. 

The two of you made a quick path to Rose’s room having failed to find her in any of the common rooms. You didn’t see Kanaya, either, which probably meant the two of them were together. Vriska and Terezi remained hidden as well, which in all honesty, was not that surprising. Afterall, it was pretty late on the meteor, your uncanny knowledge of time letting you know that much. You and Karkatt decide to cut to the chase and go to Rose’s room first. They could be in Kanaya’s room, but you had a 50 percent shot, so fuck it. Afterall, you refused to let a good plan go to waste. 

Without a hint of a knock, you decide to open the door. It wasn’t like she often locked it, she was far too cocky for that. She knew when people would be looking for her or trying to get into her room. You smiled at the thought of surprising her. Seeing Rose jump was hilarious. You tear open the door and freeze and you’re pretty sure Karkat does too. 

Kanaya was lying on top of Rose her lips firmly affixed to the blondes. You suddenly remember why you rarely saw her today and why your searches turned up empty. You kinda forgot that they went on that date. Their date must’ve have ended and they ended up back in her room. This was something that couples did. Makeout and stuff. You feel a bolt of white hot jealousy when you see Rose underneath Kanaya, her gaze moving to meet yours as she lazily smiles. She looked very happy, even with yours and Karkat's interruptions. Her hair was messy and splayed out on the pillow, while her face was flushed a light shade of red. Her lips were slightly parted and her breathing was uneven. You took a glance at Kanaya and felt another surge of jealousy. God they were so pretty. Especially Rose. She was so gorgeous. Why weren’t you like her? Why couldn’t you be like Kanaya? Why did you have to look so male. You try to clamp down on your thoughts once again, but it was too late. You stutter out and apology and slam the door shut.  


Karkat: WELL I CAN’T SAY I’M SHOCKED REALLY.   
Karkat: THE TWO OF THEM ARE LIKE HOOFBEASTS IN HEAT.  


You press your back against the door as you feel you chest tighten. It was kinda hard to breathe. Karkat shoots you a concerned looked, his eyebrows raising.  


Karkat: DAVE ARE YOU ALRIGHT?   
Dave: oh man   
Dave: this is so not the place for this conversation   
Dave: can we talk somewhere else?   


Your body is coiled up and your voice is tight. Truthfully, you weren’t eager to talk about it, but bottling up your feelings had only lead to breakdown, so you figure you may as well open up. Besides, Karkat would never let it go and you could always shove it down when you were more in control again. You just couldn't do it when you were like this. 

The two of you move quickly to Karkat’s respiteblock, then plop onto Karkat’s pile of horns, scalemates, pillows, and whatever other weird shit the troll had gathered. You had gotten your emotions mostly under control, but still felt a familiar knot of anxiety in your chest.  


Karkat: OKAY ASSHOLE WHAT’S WRONG? YOU CAN’T FLY AWAY LIKE YOU’RE A DAMN BIRDBEAST! YOU WORRIED ME.   


You worried him. Huh.  


Dave: im sorry man Dave: listen seeing Rose and Kanaya made me uh Dave: god man i dunno, this is so fucked up to talk about i dunno how to say this you know? aint got my line written or anything dunno my stage direction   
Karakt: WE’VE TALKED ABOUT WORSE, JUST SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT.   
Dave: i got jealous okay?   


Karkat blinks his eyes once, his mouth opening in a shock. He quickly slams his mouth shut, his eyebrows wrinkling, then his forming into a snarl, a look absolute hurt and betrayal haunting him. You qickly realized your fuck up a your own feeling of horror washes over you.  


Dave: no no no   
Dave: godam no man i promise not like that   
Dave: do you remember what i told you about? the discomfort thing?   
Dave: i was jealous like that, about how pretty they looked   
Dave: i-   
Dave: i swear dude i don’t want them like that i just- god   


You see Karkat let out a breath you hadn’t even known he was holding and his teeth unlench. You watch him take a deep breath and a sudden quiet fills the room. Karkat was calming himself. Calming himself for you.  


Karkat: IT’S OKAY I THINK I GET IT.   
Karkat: BESIDES YOU AND ROSE HAVE ALREADY GONE ON ENOUGH ABOUT INCEST BEING WEIRD FOR WHATEVER FUCKING REASON.   
Karkat: I SHOULDN’T HAVE REACTED LIKE THAT.   
Karkat: AND I DON’T THINK KANAYA EVEN LIKE GUYS.   


You feel yourself cringe at that word, an unstoppable frown forcing its way onto your face. You hope Karkat doesn’t notice, but you know he does. He’s staring right at you.  


Karkat: WAIT  
Karkat: ARE YOU A GUY? I NEVER ASKED I JUST ASSUMED YOU WERE. CAUSE FUCKING TEREZI IS A GIRL AND SOMETIMES I WONDER IF SHE JUST FLIPPED A COIN TO DECIDE.  


You feel frozen. How were you even supposed to answer? Karkat was looking like you like it wasn’t a big deal, as if the words spilling out his mouth weren’t tightening the knot in your chest.  


Dave: i uh   
Dave: no i am a guy i just  
Dave: i dunno man i dont really want to talk about it can we not? im sorry i freaked out  


Karkat looks like he really doesn’t want to let it go, like he’s going to force the conversation, but eventually he nods.  


Karkat: OKAY  
_____________________________________________________________________________ 

You spend the next day alone, still trying to decompress of the events of the previous night. You had told Karkat you were sleeping in today and that you probably weren’t leaving your room, but you think he got what you were actually saying. That you needed some alone time. 

The day had passed quickly and when you slip into your dreams and don’t end up in a dream bubble, you know it’s going to be about Karkat. You both cherished and dreaded these nights where you dreamed normally, because usually, you ended up with some not so friendly thoughts about Karkat. Thoughts that make you feel hot and your cheeks blush. Still you fall into you dream just the same. Most nights when you dreamed you expected to find yourself in a dream bubble. Sometimes, the bubbles were really nice, especially the ones where you saw John and Jade. To be fair, they were often on your mind and even though they weren’t his Jade and John, they usually were very similar. Doomed timelines and all that. This however, was not a night a John and Jade night. Tonight was a you night. A night where the sickly feeling of slipping into a dream bubble was absent. 

You were in Karkat’s respiteblock like you spent much of yesterday, in fact you’re entire week could likely be defined by that statement. Your eyes were affixed to a screen that was idly playing Karkat’s favorite romcom. At least you’re pretty sure it’s his favorite considering how many times Karkat had exposed you to it. Usually, he was loud and talkative during it, but instead of rambling on about the characters relationships, decisions, and whatever other weird alternian bullshit, he was rather quiet. Yes, this was definitely different. The air felt alien, new but not unwelcome. Everything felt thicker and tense. You notice that Karkat’s shoulder and thigh pressed against yours and you feel a shiver move through your body. Karkat must feel your shiver and turns to look at you, his gaze capturing yours even through your sunglasses.  


Karkat: COLD?   
Dave: yeah   


Until he’d asked you hadn’t realized that the room you two were in was actually cold, the meteor hardly being the best at heat retention. Even with Karkat's body heat radiating onto yours the sudden chill in the air soaked into you. More importantly though, the sound of your voice had thrown you for a loop. It was different, still definitely yours, but higher? A tad less gruff you decide. 

You’re broken out of your chain of thought when Karkat suddenly pulls you into his lap and wraps his arms around your chest. He wasn’t taller than you, the two of you were around the same height, but with the way he was holding you and how you were slumped against him it didn’t matter. He had more than enough room to plant kisses on top of your head. It was oddly nice, the intimacy new and largely unfamiliar, and your brain unfamiliar with the sensations. It was then that you caught a glance of yourself in the small mirror that Karkat keeps on his desk. Your sunglasses were still planted firmly on your face, but instead of your godtier robes you were wearing a tighter, more feminine version of your broken record shirt and a loose black skirt. Your hair was longer than you remember it. In fact, you looked a lot like Rose. Even your face was softer than usual, some of the harshest angles cut out. However, an overwhelming sense of youness and normality washed over you the longer you looked at your reflection. You were still obviously Dave, just a softer more androgynous Dave. A sudden bolt of euphoria races through you and you find yourself settling deeper into Karkat's chest.  


Karkat: COMFORTABLE?  


You feel Karkat squeeze his arms tighter around and you feel his fingers begin to trace patterns on your stomach. Karkat was warm, his body heat enveloping you like a blanket. His fingers were heating you up more though, their trailing motions sending waves of heat through you, pooling in your lower stomach. You press yourself even further into him, turning your head to side to breathe him. You didn’t know if it was a troll thing or what, but Karkat smelt really really good. You shift your hips lightly and ground into him, enjoying the way his breath hitches at the contact.  


Dave: yeah man   
Dave: i’m more fucking comfortable than a newborn kitten suckling mamas milk.  
Dave: all warm and chillin and shit gettin my vibes on and-  


Your breath hitches in your throat as Karkat's hand dips underneath your shirt and his teeth are grazing over your ear. Bolts of electricity race along your nerves as his claws brush against your bare skin slowly. You barely suppress a groan of satisfaction as his teeth move down just slightly and graze behind your ear. Fuck. Oh fuck. But then Karkat simply repeats his motions, his eyes moving back to watch his movie. You want to be outraged that he stopped touching you to go back to his movies, but his hands were making it hard. You guess he hadn’t completely stopped, but he sure as hell wasn’t giving you what you wanted. You could feel yourself growing more and more impatient as Karkat slowly dragged his claws on the same path for what felt like the hundredth time. You needed something more. Needed Karkat to actually fucking go somewhere and not just tease you.  


Dave: karkat cmon man im looking for a little bit more-  
Karkat: DAVE, SHUT UP.   


You open your mouth to retort again, but his claws sink harder into your stomach and shifts his mouth down, before biting down where your shoulder meets your neck. A choked gasps slips out of your mouth and you feel like your whole body is on fire. Holy fuck that escalted quicky, thankfully in the direction you hoped it would, You were cold before, but now all you can think about is stripping out of your clothes, freeing yourself from their constraints. You try to move, but he holds you still, moving his lips backup to rest next to your ear. 

Karkat: I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’RE STRUGGLING SO MUCH   
Karkat: FOR ALL THE SHIT YOU TALK YOU SEEM TO LIKE BEING HELD DOWN HUH?   


You open your mouth to object, but the noise of your shirt tearing and sharp teeth on your neck pull another quiet groan from your mouth. Fuck. You were so fucked. So absolutely fucked. And you loved it. This was a Karkat you hadn’t seen much. One that didn’t hide his will, his determination, or his desires. Karkat grabs your hips and twists and you get the idea. You turn with his motion, moving so you’re straddling his lap. You rest your hands on his shoulders as his eyes bored into yours.  


Karkat: I THINK YOU COULD DO WITH LESS CLOTHES.  


You nod, helpless to disagree and all too happy to let Karkat strip you. He tosses your shirt somewhere behind the couch and suddenly his eyes and devouring your body, his gaze moving slowly over every inch of skin. You can feel yourself flush as the attention, your cheeks turning nearly as red as Karkat’s when he blushed. His gaze pauses at your nipples, a devious expression coming over his face. You watch frozen as he raises a hand and slowly begins to rub at a pink nub, rolling it between his fingers. Finally, he pinches it and you can’t stop the hiss of pleasure or the movement of your hips as you desperately grind into him. You expect Karkat to say something, to tease you more, but he is oddly silent as he continues to rub and pinch, his other hand coming up to copy the motions on the other. Still, you fight to control your hips, to not grind into him no matter how good it felt. You knew you were being petty, but giving in this easily was not a good look. You can feel your nipples swelling as he teases, his motions bordering on painful. Suddenly, he’s pinching hard and you feel yourself become entirely undone.  


Dave: fuck oh fuck holy fucking shit karkat stop messing around i swear to god i need you to-  


You don’t even finish your statement, Karkat is suddenly grinding into you and suddenly all words leave you. Your hands fist desperately into his shirt has he ruts your hips together. His mouth goes back to kissing you everywhere, marking you more, before his mouth is back on yours and his tongue is back in your mouth. You desperately grind into him, relishing in the feeling of more and more heat rushing pooling inside of you, making you feel so fucking good. You open your mouth to beg for more, but all the leaves is a long slew of curses and breathy moans. Karkat pulls away from your lips and turns his head back to your ear, slowly licking the shell and reveling in the shivers that racked your body when he did. He gently nibbles on the lobe. You briefly worry about his teeth, about them piercing your skin, about the pain that would follow, but the thought only makes you moan louder, grind more fiercely into him. Humans didn’t have natural weapons like trolls, but you were sure that if Karkat sunk his teeth into your neck and tore you’d die and revive right there. You were so totally at Karkat’s mercy and with a start you realized that you were going to fucking cum. In your fucking pants.  


Dave: karkat please fuck can you please touch me i need it so fucking bad you cant-   


Karkat’s mouth dips to your chest again and he’s rolling your nipple around in his mouth sucking and teasing and driving you insane. You let out a quiet scream and surrender once again, unwilling to fight the sensations that were pouring over you.  


Karkat: I AM TOUCHING YOU.  
Karkat: SO HOW ABOUT INSTEAD OF BITCHING YOU CUM FOR ME HUH?   


You try to respond, but it’s already too late. You’re too warm. You open your mouth to scream his name. 

Then you wake up. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


Karkat was driving you crazy. It wasn’t that you found him annoying, in fact you had the opposite problem. In fact you were really really into Karkat, you wanted to get closer to him, breathe him in. Your dreams about him weren’t stopping either and you found yourself wanting to make them a reality. On the bright side, you were pretty sure you were driving him crazy too, so long as the barely muffled purrs, happy sighs, and constant touching was a sign. You were pretty sure it was a sign. Still, you danced around him making sure things never went further than a too intimate cuddle. Or his claws raking gently through your hair. Or the few times you’ve “accidentally” rubbed his horns while papping him. The few times things looked like they might go further, might turn into something more, you both inevitably pulled away. Every time Karkat’s face drifted a bit too close to yours or you held his body just a bit too tightly against yours, you stopped. Karkat did the same, the conflict evident in his body language. 

You knew Karkat was so weird about being close to you because of his quadrant thing. Every word on the topic you pulled out of him was clipped and impatient. You had finally started to understand quadrants, after all a year on the meteor meant you had been lectured about the topic plenty of times. It’s not like you were any better though. You knew you had a thing for Karkat, but you were terrified to move forward. You didn’t want to mess up whatever fragile understanding you built, but most of all you didn’t know what to do. The last thing you wanted to do was push him too far and have him pull away. So you decided to just wait for him to do something. Sure, it wasn’t the greatest plan in the world, but you were out of ideas otherwise.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


You stand in the kitchen taking a break from spending time Karkat, and idly try to alchemize apple juice again. Though your eyes scanned over the various combinations of objects and the ensuing code, your brain was elsewhere. The last few weeks had been as normal as they’ll ever be around the meteor, but for the life of you, you still couldn’t make fucking applejuice. You bet that Rose would have figured this out by now. Rose. Her name causes you to wrinkle your brow harder than the time Karkat screamed at you for asking too much about his mutation. Now that you finally had time to actually think about things, rather than trying to avoid being killed by the game, you felt confused. The two of you looked eerily similar. As if she was simply the female version of you. You supposed that made sense, after all John’s adventures in ectofuckery and clones, meant that the two of you were sorta-kinda the same person you guessed? At first you thought about it like having a sister, but ectobiology seemed a bit different from conventional genetics to even make the comparison. That and the bubbling sense of jealousy that simmered just beneath the surface when you talked to her. You kinda wanted to be her. And you know that you’ve run through these thoughts a million times, but being able to think about it and not force it back down was a big step. 

At first you thought it was just because you had a crush on her. The ectobiology bullshit made it a bit confusing, but it’s not like you really grew up together so you didn’t feel too weird. However, she didn’t spark the same butterflies in your stomach as someone liked Karkat, which was a whole other can of worms. The more you thought about it though, the more you fantasized about wearing her clothes, styling your hair like hers, maybe even sounding a bit more like her. You wanted to be able to move like her, maybe steal some of the softer features of her face. You still wanted to be you, but being able to look like Rose was something you really, really wanted. And that scared you. 

You shake your head to try and dismiss the thoughts and twitched slightly as your hair ghosts your neck. Had it really gotten that long? Your eyes flit to the side of the alchemiters screen as you drink in your reflection through the shiny metal. Huh. Your hair really was starting to grow. You don’t even remember the last time you went for a haircut, thought it was probably before the game. You narrowed your eyes as you focused more closely on the image in front of you, before nodding and taking a step back. It looked good. You looked good. It was just starting to get past the “just grown out hair” look and you liked it. Your thoughts quickly shifted back to Rose. Were you trying to copy her? Grow your hair like hers? Maybe longer than hers? Was that why you thought you looked good? Looked better in fact? Why had no one told you you needed a haircut? Did they think it looked better like this too?  


Karkat: HOLY SHIT DAVE ARE YOU BRAINDEAD? PLAN TO STARE AT THE ALCHEMITER UNTIL IT EXPLODES? I HAD NO IDEA YOU HAD PSIONICS, SURE WOULD HAVE BEEN HELPFUL IF YOU USED THEM FOR SOMETHING MORE USEFUL THAN HITTING BUTTONS.   
Dave: man im just tryin to think of how to get aj out of this thing   
Dave: bold of you to barge in here guns blaring when i dont think ive seen you in front of the alchemiter for more than five minutes   
Dave: im gonna whip up some mad fire though gonna make aj so good the whole fucking meteor is gonna want a taste   
Dave:ill be like the cow of paradox space except my teat is this machine and aj is my milk  
Dave: gotta make sure all my baby calves gettin enough you feel?   
Karkat: I’VE NEVER “FELT” ANYTHING YOU’VE HAD TO SAY   
Karkat: ALSO, HAVE YOU BEEN IN HERE ALL DAY? I’VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND YOU  
Dave: aw been looking for me karkles? im flattered  
Karkat: SHUT THE FUCK UP DAVE  
Karkat: IF YOU WANT TO SIT IN THE KITCHEN ALL DAY MAKING PISS WATER, YOU ARE MORE THAN FREE TO. I JUST THOUGHT IT’D BE A BETTER USE OF BOTH OF OUR TIME IF YOU CAME TO MY RESPITEBLOCK TO PLAY VIDEOGAMES  


You pause in your deliberations to consider his request. He wasn’t entirely wrong. You had been here all day, your time power unpleasantly reminding you of how much time you’ve wasted staring at a screen and not touching anything. You doubted rejecting his offer would make your thoughts would go away either. Maybe it was time for a break from your break from Karkat. God that was convoluted.  


Dave: shit man that's all you had to say lead the way.  


The trip to Karkat’s room is short and filled with your typical banter. Truthfully you were happy that the troll had been looking for you. While you would never admit to it, you really had spent most of the day in the kitchen lost in thought. It was good to take a break. Especially a break with Karkat. You burst into his room and toss yourself on the couch, glad Karkat got rid of the small one he had with one big enough for both of you to lay side by side. God bless alchemizers. You looked boredly at Karkat while he searches for controllers and turns on the TV. Or whatever the hell you two played video games on. Everything Karkat owned was weirdly organic and you were pretty sure that his TV was somehow alive in some extremely abstract sense. You manage to ignore it though, you’d seen weirder things already.  


You feel Karkat flop next to you as he turns it on.  


Karkat: READY TO GET DESTROYED BULDGEMUNCH?  
Dave: fuck me up daddy  
Karkat: THAT IS HARDLY WHAT I WANT MY MOIRAIL TO SAY.  
Karkat: I AM NOT YOUR HUMAN LUSUS.  
Dave: oh we’re moirails now?  
Dave: i mustve missed the memo mail mustve gotten stolen  
Dave: lost to the breeze and shit  
Dave: fucking john i bet  
Dave: its gonna land in some poor lost chump in paradox space, who is going to ruin their life trying to find their moirail  
Dave: clawing and fighting with their last breath to-   
Karkat: DO YOU NOT WANT TO BE MY MOIRAIL?   


Your eyes dart over to look at him. He looks tighter than usual and you suddenly realize that you’re in dangerous territory.  


Dave: nah man  
Dave: of course i want to be your moirail  
Dave: but you know  
Dave: maybe i want you in some other quadrants too  
Dave: i dunno  
Dace: i gotta taste all the goods to be sure you know?  
Karkat: DAVE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?  
Karkat: DAVE YOU CAN’T, DAVE I-  


Fuck it you’re going for it. It was time. Your face is moves close to his, your arms on either side of his head as you gently rest your body on top of his. You press your forehead to his and wait, letting your eyes slip shut. You have no idea what you’re doing, what compelled you to climb on to of Karkat like this. Well you had a pretty good idea, but now wasn’t the time to deeply examine your feelings. Especially because he was so warm and the longer you touched him, the less you wanted to leave.  


Dave: can i kiss you   
Karkat: UH  
Karkat: YES-  


You gently press your lips to his, cutting off his next words. You wouldn’t let him talk himself out of this. Wouldn't let him talk you out of this. The two of you were in *THE SHIT* now. Motheruckin’ entrenched in this bitch. And You sure as hell weren’t backing down now. Besides, kissing him felt really good. Almost too good. His lips are so soft against yours, nothing like the rest of the trolls skin and far more real than your dreams. Still, the kiss is far too slow for you, and you find yourself pressing harder into him. Harder. Harder. Until you feel your teeth clink together and you pull back to breathe. You only a few stangled breaths before Karkat yanks you back into him, his mouth claiming yours once again. It’s nothing like your dreams. The kiss is much sloppier and far less refined and you position on top of Karkat couldn’t be better, but all your thoughts seem to escape when you feel Karkat tongue pressing against your lips. 

You nervously open your mouth and Karkat instantly presses forward into you, his tongue slipping into your mouth to explore. You let out a sigh of contentment and sink into him further, happy that his arms come up to circle around your waist. 

Kissing Karkat was making you feel drunk, forcing all the coordination from your limbs. You didn’t want to pull away, not when Karkat’s lips haven’t stopped moving against yours, but you needed to breathe again. Your chest heaves as you take in as much oxygen as possbile, your eyes moving to gaze into his. His own eyes were dilated and he looked about as short of breath as you. You let yourself smile. He was enjoying himself too. You bury your head into Karkat’s shoulder and try to regain your compuse, but Karkat’s hands have already slipped under your shirt, rubbing your back with no real pattern. You feel the rumble of his chest as he purrs louder than you’ve ever heard.  


Karkat: LAY BACK 

You open your mouth to respond, but Karkat is already pushing you up until you fall onto your back awkwardly landing with half body set up against the arms of the furniture. Karkat rolls his eyes and pull you back, until you were flat once again. You feel him climb on top of you then and his lips move to kiss you as his arms cage you in. You feel like your pinned down, even if the only point of contact is your lips. A low heat is burning in your stomach and you feel a thrill at Karkat’s dominance. Still, you decide you’d like your mouth in other places as you pull away from Karkat. His face morphs into one of anxiety and you can feel him about to scramble to get off of you. Probably to start ruthlessly apologizing. Your grab onto his shirt and shoot him a wicked grin, before you bite into his neck. You feel Karkat freeze above you, and you immediately release and begin to apologize afraid you hurt him, but find your words stalled once you catch sight of Karkat’s eyes. He’s glowering at your, his gaze dark with lust as his whole face turns red.  


Karkat: DAVE, DON’T STOP YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS-  


You grin to yourself and bite into his neck again, slightly above where you started. You hear the same chirps you had when your rubbed his horns and feel a jolt of excitement race through you. You wanted to hear that noise again. Needed to hear that noise again. You press your teeth in harder, desperate to get what you want. You’re rewarded when you hear a gasp and even louder chir behind it. It’s fucked up how much you enjoy Karkat’s alien noises, but your cock is suddenly way harder than it was before and you are way more desperate.  


Karkat: CAN I TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT? IS THAT OKAY? ARE WE MOVING TOO FAST OR-  
Dave: karkat please shut the fuck up  
Dave: and while youre at it please take off my shirt cause im bout to do the same for yours  
Dave: and then im going to bite the fuck out of you  
Karkat: STRIDER IS THIS CALIGNIOUS OR RED YOU’VE GOT EVERYTHING SO FUCKED AND I CAN’T-  


You grind into his before you pull him into another kiss. Before pulling away. You stare him in the eyes and try to think of what to say. He on the other hand, needed to stop thinking, to get out of his head. You weren’t freaking out about kissing a guy and you sure as fuck were nervous about it before. Who gives a fuck about quadrants? Your fucking chirping and I know that’s a sex noise, so just let me make you feel good please cause god i want it too and- 

You feel Karkat kiss you again and feel his hands forcing your pants off and holy shit. You had said that all out loud, didn't you? But, Karkat was still kissing you, still touching you and you suddenly find it impossible to care at all. 

Karkat eyes slide shut as he hears your noises and you move your fingers to strip him of his shirt. He raises his arms and sits up, let’s you slide the fabric cleano off. He does the same for you and then you realize he isn’t stopping there. His hands have drifted to your waist and fingers dance around a the wasitband of your pants. He slips a finger inside of it and then gazes at you, the question he was asking clear in his eyes. You nod and reach your own hands out to start working Karkat’s pants off of him as he quickly works on your own. He pulls your hips up and with a grunt of triumph he yanks them off. You’re still trying to work his own off, but your hands are too clumsy and Karkat grabs your wrists, pinning them with one hand your head while his other works his own clothes off. You moan at the hungry look he’s giving you, like you were the tastiest thing he’d ever seen and he couldn’t wait to try you. You were all too eager to let him too. 

You see his pants fly off somewhere behind him and he’s back on top of you, his free hand running over your chest before capturing your chin in his hand and tilting it up.  


Karkat: ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS?  
Karkat: IF YOU WANT ME TO STOP JUST SAY STOP.  
Karkat: BUT IF YOU DON’T SAY ANYTHING I’M PRETTY SURE I’M GOING TO FUCK YOU.  
Karkat: CAN I FUCK YOU?  


You choke at his words, unable to speak, so you just nod vigorously instead, grinding into his leg. You have never heard Karkat sound so desperate or straightforward for that matter, but the dark look he was casting you was tearing you apart and you knew that you needed him now. You had no idea if your biology was even compatible, but you were pretty sure Rose and Kanaya did more than makeout, and if they could figure something out then you sure as hell could too. 

You feel Karkat’s hand release your wrists and he shoots you a meaningful look.  


Karkat: KEEP THEM THERE.  


You let out a shiver and nod again, egear to obey his words. Submitting to him was driving the fire inside of you higher and higher and you feel your cock straining against your boxers. You see Karkat look down at it and then suddenly he’s grabbing it, rubbing it throught the fabric. You let out a series of choked moans and thrust into him, needing to feel more. Karkat gets the idea though and his hand starts to slip off your underwear as he lays back on top of you, and threads a hand through your hair before bringing your forward to kiss him again. 

You feel the fabric pull away and open your eyes to look at Karkat. He pulls back and gazes down at your, his hand carefully hovering above your dick. You thrust your hips up and grind against his leg again groaning loudly, hoping he gets the idea, but he continues to just lay still, his eyes simply examining your anatomy. 

Dave: listen mothefucker if youre going to stare then i get to too  
Dave: take off yours  


Karkat looks nervously at you, but nods before he hooks his fingers into his own underwear and yanks them off. You watch fascinated as bright red tentacle uncurls, finally free from its prison. Red...something is dripping off of it and the whole thing looks surprisingly soft. You never thought you could be turned on by the sight of prehensile alien dick, and yet here you are. You don’t dare to move your hands to touch him, despite your almost overwhelming desire to do so. No, you watch and wait to see what Karkat would do, where he would take this next. 

You watch Karkat bite his lip and sit up again, this time elevating his hips and taking hold of your dick with his hand, ling it up for...holy shit. Your eyes widen as you finally understand what Karkat was about to do. Right beneath his budlge was a slit, you guess that’s Karkat’s nook? In any case you were pretty sure you were going inside that and- 

You hiss as Karkat brings his hips down and you sheathe inside him and Karkat starts letting off a cascade of increasingly loud chirrups. You can’t keep still anymore, and you’re hands jump to his hips, grasping them. No words need to be exchanged, as soon as Karkat feels your hand he raises his hips up and then crashes back down on you and holy fucking shit. Your vision is going white, you desperately start meeting his thrusts. You pant louder and louder, moving your head to rake your nails down Karkat’s back. 

Karkat throws his back as he moans loudly, but then he whips it back to stare down at you and absloutely evil expression coming to his face. He slows to a stop on top of you, letting you sink as deeply as you can inside of him. You feel your wrists being crushed in Karkat’s hands once again as he pins you and then he’s leaning over you, his teeth showing as a growl resonates slowly in his throat.  


Karkat: I TOLD YOU TO NOT MOVE THOSE DIDN’T I?  
Karkat: BUT APPARENTLY YOU CAN’T FUCKING HELP YOURSELF.  
Karkat: SO INSTEAD OF GETTING WHAT I KNOW YOU NEED, I’M GOING TO TAKE WHAT I WANT.  
Karkat: AND YOU’RE GOING TO SIT THERE UNTIL I’M DONE.   
Karkat: ANY QUESTIONS?  
Dave: my only question is when youre going to shut the fuck up so we can- 

You scream as Karkat quickly rises up and slams back down. You buck into him, but it’s not enough, he’s too heavy for you to move in any significant way and he had all the leverage with your hands pinned like this. Karkat starts up again, this time painfully slow, dragging himself until you nearly slip out, before sinking his hips slowly back down.  


Dave: holy shit you feel so fucking good   
Dave: god youre so fucking tight karkat god i cant take it   
Dave: i need you so bad please karkat please i need you please  
Dave: please please please please please  


Your words turn into a chant as your throw your head back, moving as much as Karkat would allow. Your begging seems to please the troll on top of you, and his pace slowly starts to increase once again.You moan in appreciation, and bite your bottom lip to stop anymore noises from coming out. It’s pointless though, Karkat is only picking up momentum and you can no longer think. All you can do is beg and moan Karkat’s name. 

Karkat: FUCK  
Karkat: WE DON’T HAVE A BUCKET.  
Karkat: I’D SAY I’M SORRY FOR WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN BUT I WON’T BE.  


You’re too high off the feelings pulsing through you to pick up on his words, but suddenly he tightens around you and you feel yourself tense all over and then holy shit you’re coming. You’re coming and Karkat is coming and it’s amazing and too much but not enough and fuck. All that passes through Karkat’s lips are chitters and slurred Alternian and he looks absolutely divine. 

You ride out the last feelings of your orgasm, feel Karkat slip off of you before you notice how wet you feel. In fact how wet the entire couch feels. You flick your eyes open and find yourself, Karkat, and the couch covered in Karkat’s bright red genetic material. Holy fuck. You glance at Karkat, but say nothing. He looks like he’s already dying of embarrassment. With a frown, you sort through the threads of time and grasp one, forcing it forth. The room flickers for a moment, but then reality returns and the couch is clean once again. As for you and Karkat…  


Karkat: ABLUTION TRAP?  
Dave: shower  
______________________________________________________________________________ 

The next day you hunt for Rose. You really wanted to talk to her. Afterall, she was the only other human on the meteor *and* she was dating a troll. A troll that happened to be the same gender as her. The sight of her yesterday was still jarring, but you needed some advice and a place to vent, looks be damned. After searching all the common rooms you decide to try her room. You had seen Kanaya already, lounging and reading one of her rainbow drinker novels, so at the very least you knew she was alone. The last thing you wanted to do was ask Kanaya to leave so you could have a session with Dr. Lalonde. 

When you arrive at Rose’s door however, you find the confidence of your search instantly evaporate. It must be forcing its way out of your lungs if the tightness in your chest was anything to go by. It was lifting off, free to live its own life in the meteor. Perhaps it would come in handy when they crash the meteor and have to fight the demon dog again. You had spent the better part of the day looking for her so giving up now was impossible. The idea of sitting outside of her room and pestering her briefly flits through your head, but you quickly dismiss it. You were pretty sure that if you weren’t in person you wouldn’t be able to say what you needed. At least her presence and probing question would force your hand, make you actually talk about what you came here for. 

Finally, you raise your hand and knock on her door before taking a step back. Walking into Rose’s room was a no go. She’d have your head. Which you suppose you couldn’t blame her for. Afterall, having people barge into one of the few private spaces on the meteor was hardly comfortable. You would know. It wasn’t like Bro put a high premium on privacy. You watch as the door open and force yourself to not let your jaw drop in shock. Your words fail you as you pause to take in her form, fascinated by it. She was simply standing in front of you, but somehow she looked different. Your words leave before you can help yourself  


Dave: yo did you get a different haircut?  
Rose: Hmm. Indeed I did. Kanaya helped me. She really is quite excellent at fashion.  
Dave: did she do anything else? Your clothes dont look different and dont get me wrong i get fashion shit im one of the flyest doomed heroes on this meteor and im pretty sure haircuts dont count as fashion besides theres no way you didnt just get a hair cut what else did you she do?  
Rose: It appears your hair is just as different as mine.  
Dave: that totally didnt answer my question  
Rose: What else do you think is different?  
Dave: seriously  
Dave: youre like like  
Dave: your hair is shorter and like you face isnt as round? its like you reshaped it or something and im pretty sure your shoulders are broader and…  
Dave: your chest is gone?  
Rose: I assure you my chest it just where it used to be, I would be dead if it wasn’t.  
Dave: holy fuck i mean your boobs  
Rose: I had no idea you took such an interest in my breasts, but I promise you they are there as well.  
Rose: But did you really come her to dissect my appearance?  
Rose: I am more than happy to tell you all about if you want, but considering your surprise at it, I doubt that is why you’re here.  
Dave: can i come in?  
Rose: Certainly.  


You brush past her and fly over to her bed, taking the same seat as last time. Your eyes scan her room and you nearly choke. Several pairs of boxers, jeans, and t-shirts are strewn across the floor. Some of them looking staritingly like what you would wear.  


Rose: So what brings you here?  


You force yourself to focus. One step at a time. This was not the time for this conversation. You came here to talk about Karkat, not Rose’s fashion preferences. 

Besides you weren’t sure you could stop yourself from revealing too much if you did.  


Dave: yeah okay  
Dave: i need advice  
Dave: you date an alien right? how did you know you wanted to date an alien?  
Rose: I’m guessing this has to do with Karkat?  
Dave: who it is doesnt matter  
Rose: Hmm.  
Rose: I’m not sure if you can even put those feelings into words. I simply enjoyed spending time around Kanaya, she entertains me, makes me happy, and touching her is incredibly enjoyable.  
Dave: tmi dude  
Rose: Don’t be a bitch Dave, you asked me a question and I’m answering.  
Rose: However, the best advice is to simply explore your feelings more.  
Dave: yeah but its another guy and an alien i just dont thin-  
Rose: Yes I am well aware, I happen to do just that.  
Rose: I have a feeling that’s why you came to talk to me, other than the fact that I’m a human of course.  
Dave: im just  
Dave: you know im not gay so its like-  
Rose: Dave, there is far more to sexuality then gay or straight  
Rose: You made fun of the trolls for clinging so tightly to quadrants, but I fail to see how your refusal to look at your own sexuality as anything other than black and white is different.   
Dave: yeah but quadrants are just arbitrary  
Dave: yeah they needed them to fill buckets back on alternia but its not like that matters now  
Rose: And human reproduction does? Something tells me neither of us is going to be doing much of that.  


You open your mouth to respond, but decided to close it and chew over her words instead.  


Dave: alright so tell me then  
Dave: what should i do?  
Rose: Whatever you want, I am simply encouraging you to not eliminate possibilities based on gender.  
Rose: You do know the trolls are hermaphroditic right?  
Dave: yes rose i know  
Rose: And I’m sure you’re aware that gender hardly matters for the trolls.  
Rose: So perhaps you should further evaluate some of your thoughts.  
Dave: i  
Dave: okay  
Dave: help me?  
Rose: Of course.  
Rose: Tell me more about your and Karkat's relationship.  
Rose: And do not say you don't have one.  



	3. Chapter Three

Crossdressing was a thing that people did back on Earth, you know this for a fact. Besides, Rose did it too. You were sure of it. Still, knowing that didn't stop the creeping sense that what you were doing was wrong. You knew that the concept of gender had kinda died with Earth anyway, Rose never failed to remind you, so the only person to call a skirt and blouse “girl clothes” were you and your three human friends. Well, you guessed only one of them really, you doubted Jade would even flinch, but thinking about John sent a bolt of anxiety up your spine, especially considering what you were preparing to do. Maybe he didn't think gender was so dead. 

Your gaze moves back to your bed, where a copy of Rose’s skirt, skull shirt, headband, and scarf sat neatly folded on your bed. God you felt like a freak, it was one thing to just wear a skirt, another entirely to dress like your best friend. Still, you wanted to do it, wanted to put them on. It had taken an immense amount of stable time loops and alternate Dave’s just to get the code for her clothes. You had a feeling you if you had just asked that Rose would have given them to you, but that meant telling her why you wanted them and that was the last thing you wanted to do. You had entertained asking Kanaya, but the vampire troll and Rose were were almost joined at the hip and you were scared anything you told her would make it back to Rose, which was the very situation you wanted to avoid in the first place. 

Slowly you pulled off your clothes until you were left standing in your boxers, before shakily reaching forward to grab the skirt. You held it in your hands and stared at it for a minute before sighing and sitting on your bed to slip it on. You quickly pulled on the shirt too, and then smooth out your hair once it’s on. You keep your eyes away from the mirror you had set up as you reached for the scarf and wrap it around your neck. You thought about drawing out the process longer, but once you had started you couldn’t stop. You were afraid that if you did you just pull everything off and burn it. You had to do this now. You had to know. You reached for the headband and put it on. It parted your hair, pulling it away from your eyes as it settled comfortably on your head. You screw your eyes shut and force yourself to breathe as your move your head to where you knew you had set up the mirror. It was time. You were going to do it. You had already done all the work and you may as well look. 

You force your eyes open and take in your reflection. You expect to feel revolted, to feel as disgusting as you did in your worst moments. Instead, a wave of calm poured over you. You looked really nice. Really, really nice. You moved your hand up to smooth out your hair once again as you stand up from your bed and approached the mirror. You were slightly taller and broader than Rose, but it wasn’t too noticeable. In fact, at this moment the two of you could have been identical twins. You looked like the spitting image of your ectosister, the only turly significant difference being your slightly longer hair and shades. You turn around and nearly grin as the skirt twirls with you. You spend the next several minutes shaking your hips, watching with fascination as your skirt moves with your movements. 

The unmistakable sound of knocking rips you out of your thoughts. Fuck. You hope it’s not Rose. You hope with every fiber of your being that it wasn’t her. Why the fuclk was anyone knkcong right now? It was so late. It was what everyone on the meteor agreed was sleeping hours. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!  


Karkat: STRIDER! I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE DON’T EVEN PRETEND YOU’RE NOT.   
Karkat: I KNOW YOU SAID YOU NEEDED TO BE ALONE AND REALLY I WAS GOING TO.  
Karkat: BUT ROSE WOULDN’T STOP SPAMMING ME AND THEY KEPT FUCKING GETTING AROUND MY BLOCKS SOMEHOW.  
Karkat: I SHUT OFF MY FUCKING COMPUTER BUT THEN THEY STARTED KNOCKING ON MY DOOR UNTIL I ANSWERED.   
Karkat: THEY SAID THEY’D ONLY LEAVE ME ALONE IF I FOUND YOU SO HERE I FUCKING AM.  
Karkat: SO PLEASE FUCKING ANSWER THEY’RE SO FUCKING ANNOYING AND I THINK THEY’LL KNOW IF I’M LYING.  


You are too stunned to say anything. Karkat’s voice has your frozen, unwilling to move. You don’t know why you’re frozen right now. Striders always acted. 

So what will you do now? 

You slowly climb to your feet. Every motion feels tough, like you’re wading through thick water, but you don’t want to give up now. You were a Strider. Striders acted. Karkat already knew about you, how you felt. He knew it was driving you crazy. Knew knew how it made you feel. So why would he care now? Before your brain can catch up, you’re already at your door. You reach forward and tear it open, revealing and irate, though curious looked Karkat.  


Dave: sup   
Karkat: ROSE? IS THIS SOME ELABORATE PRANK? WHY IS YOUR VOICE WEIRD? IS THIS ONE OF YOUR HUMAN “WINDUPS” THAT YOU’VE KEEP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT?  
Karkat: ALSO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN DAVE’S ROOM? HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET HERE? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE HIS SUNGLASSES? WAS IT GIFT EXCHANGE DAY? IS DAVE ABOUT TO POP OUT WEARING YOUR SHIT NOW?  
Karkat: DID THE TWO OF YOU SWAP BODIES? DID YOU FUCK UP WHEN YOU WERE TRANSPORTALIZING OR SOMETHING?   


You nearly snort at the irony of the statement. How fitting. But he still has the door open, so you reach out and yank him in slamming it behind him. It was one thing to open it, another thing entirely to stand there in sight of anyone who happened to walk down the hall.  


Karkat: ROSE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? I DEMAND ANSWERS.  
Dave: okay listen  
Dave: cause im only going to say this shit once  
Dave: cant be repeating myself over and over  
Dave: so uh  
Dave: im not rose im dave  
Karkat: WHA-  
Karkat: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING ROSE’S CLOTHES?   
Dave: come on man  
Dave: do i really gotta say it  
Dave: cant i let you just piece this shit together yourself  
Karkat: I’M NOT SURE WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO “PIECE TOGETHER.”  
Karkat: IS THIS…  
Karkat: YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE ROSE?  
Dave: ding ding we have a winner  
Karkat: OH.  
Karkat: ALRIGHT WELL...  
Karkat: SO, DO YOU WANT TO BE ROSE? OR-  
Dave: no man  
Dave: thats fucking weird i dont want to be my sister  
Dave: you had it right the first time i just want to look like her  
Karkat: ALRIGHT I’M TRYING TO BE CONSIDERATE HERE, BUT THIS DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.  
Karkat: I ASKED THIS BEFORE, BUT ARE YOU A GUY?   
Karkat: I KNOW WE DON’T EVER FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT, BUT IT’S NOT LIKE I FORGOT EVERYTHING YOU’VE TOLD ME, MY THINKPAN ISN’T THAT ROTTED.  
Karkat: AND YOU’RE WEARING ROSE’S CLOTHES BUT YOU DON’T WANT TO BE HER?  
Karkat: SO I’M JUST-  
Dave: i dont know  
Karkat: ABOUT WHAT?  
Dave: about being a guy  
Karkat: OH  
Karkat: WELL WHY DON’T YOU JUST TRY BEING A GIRL THEN?  
Dave: cmon i cant just do that its- its just not how that works  
Karkat: YOU LOOK ENOUGH LIKE ROSE RIGHT NOW THAT I CAN’T TELL YOU APART, SO WHY CAN’T YOU?  
Dave: well firstly  
Dave: thats not how humans do gender  
Dave: and secondly, i dont think im a girl either  
Karkat: YOU KNOW YOU CAN LOOK AT ME RIGHT? I’M NOT GOING TO KILL YOUR OR ANYTHING.  
Dave: shut the fuck up this hard for me  
Karkat: YOU CAN BE WHOEVER YOU WANT.  
Karkat: ON ALTERNIA THERE WERE SOME TROLLS I KNEW THAT WERE LIKE THAT.  
Karkat: THEY DIDN’T CONSIDER THEMSELVES GUYS OR GIRLS. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.  
Karkat: IN FACT I’M PRETTY SURE ROSE IS-  
Dave: i just   
Dave: i dunno  
Dave: i dont want to talk about rose  
Dave: can we not talk about her?   
Karkat: YOU NEVER WANT TO TALK ABOUT ROSE.  
Karkat: OR HOW YOU FEEL FOR THAT MATTER.  
Dave: you never want to talk about you quadrant thing  
Karkat: I-  
Karkat: THAT IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT.  
Dave: its really not  
Karkat: FINE.  
Karkat: I’LL ONLY TALK ABOUT IT IF YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR SHIT.  
Dave: i-  
Dave: alright  
Dave: can we not stand in the middle of the room and do this at least sit on the bed  
Karkat: FINE.  
Karkat: I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT ENGAGING IN PALE ACTIVITIES ON A CONCUPISCENT PLATFORM IS-  
Dave: alright why?  
Dave: i know you explained why already but really, why?  
Dave: there is no one here who is going to cull you for liking someone  
Karkat: THERE IS NO ONE HERE THAT CARES IF YOU’RE NOT A GUY EITHER.  
Dave: well if no one cares why are you so stressed about it?  
Dave: you say we’re moirails but im pretty sure we’re more than that  
Dave: cause i am 100 percent sure you like kissing me  
Dave: and lets face it you like it when i do decidedly non-moirails things to you  
Karkat: AND YOU LIKE TO WEAR “GIRL” CLOTHES .  
Dave: i  
Dave: yeah  
Dave: so what?  
Dave: why dont we just  
Dave: can we drop the bullshit? please i mean who are we fooling each other?  
Karkat: I DON’T KNOW.   
Dave: can we just  
Dave: when were together lets not lie  
Karkat: YOU THINK I LIE TO YOU?  
Dave: well you sure as hell lie to yourself  
Karkat: HOLY SHIT YOU’RE HARDLY FUCKING BETTER.  
Dave: yeah i know  
Karkat: I  
Karkat: OKAY.  
Dave: okay  
Karkat:...  
Dave:...  
Karkat: YOU KNOW KANAYA CAN MAKE YOU CLOTHES.  
Dave: holy shit i was enjoyi-  
Karkat: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN.  
Karkat: YOU OBVIOUVSLY LIKE WHAT YOU’RE WEARING AND SEEING YOU IN ROSE’S CLOTHES IS FUCKING WEIRD.  
Karkat: YOU LOOK WAY TOO MUCH LIKE THEM.  
Karkat: SO WHY DON’T YOU JUST GET SOME OTHER STUFF?   
Dave: cause thats really weird? what am i just gonna walk up to her and be like “btw can you make me some dresses, totally for no reason or anything by the way”   
Karkat: OH MY GOD DAVE SHE WON’T CARE.  
Karkat: SHE SPENDS HER TIME MAKING CLOTHES ANYWAY, SHE'D BE HAPPY FOR MORE BULLSHIT TO DO.  
Dave: yeah i guess so but shes going to want to me look like cinderella or some shit  
Dave: and i missed the ball  
Karkat: OH MY GOD DAVE JUST GIVE IT A SHOT.  
Dave: maybe  
Dave: but we’re not done talking yet  
Karkat: OF COURSE NOT.  
Karkat: PLEASE PICK THE NEXT TOPIC SINCE YOU ARE CLEARLY TOO GOOD FOR MY SUGGESTIONS.  
Dave: fuck yeah  
Dave: so on earth we had these things called...  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


A day later you finally swallow your pride and message Kanaya. Karkat’s constant insistence finally getting to you. 

You had enjoyed the clothes you'd taken from Rose and what else you were able to alchemize from it, but despite everything, they all felt like something Rose would wear, rather than something you would. You had to admit that Karkat was right about this one. It was kinda of weird. Still, even as your eyes bored into your computer and your mouse hung over Kanaya’s name, you couldn’t quite bring yourself to click. You were almost sure you had nothing to worry about. The rainbow drinker lived and breathed fashion, even if she was nearly the only one left alive who cared. You couldn’t blame her though. You still sat in your room and made music, despite hardly anyone caring about that either. 

You feel a familiar bloom of anxiety well inside of you and force it back down. Fuck it. You are going to do this. You had faced far greater challenges and died too many times only to be stopped in your tracks by a request for clothes. You could do this. You were doing this. You were making it happen. With a final sharp inhale, you click on her name and type.  
turntechGodhead  [TG]  began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at ??:??  
TG: sup  
GA: Hello Dave  
GA: Rose Told Me You Would Be Messaging Me But I Did Not Expect To See It So Soon  
GA: What Can I Do For You?  
TG: what  
TG: wait what did rose say  
GA: She Simply Told Me That You Would Troll Me   
GA: I Am Afraid She Did Not Give Any More Details Than That  
TG: one sec  


turntechGodhed  [TG]  begain pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at ??:??  
TG: what did you tell kanaya  
TT: About what? Would you like to give me more details?  
TT: I have told Kanaya many things, I certainly hope you don’t expect me to remember them all.  
TG: holy shit lalonde  
TG: you know what im asking   
TT: What did she tell you I said?  
TG: are we playing telephone now?  
TG: if you want i can take a message from you to her to  
TG: save you the trip   
TG: shit ill be a messenger pigeon delivering knowledge all across paradox space  
TG: davesprite would be proud  
TT: If you’re offering, you may tell her to meet me in my room tonight.  
TG: first of all  
TG: gross i dont even want to hear what comes after that  
TG: second  
TG: you still havent told me what you said  
TT: If I recall correctly, I’ve seen Karkat slip into your own room several times, so I hardly think you’re in a position to judge.  
TG: we are not talking about karkat  
TG: we are talking about flighty broads and the propensity to meddle  
TG: like you have been doing   
TT: If you have an issue with my meddeling I’m only hearing about it now.  
TG: ugh  
TG: youre gonna meddle no matter what so this is pointless  
TG: lets get back to the main topic at hand  
TG: the real important shit  
TG: like were looking at the crown jem of obamas policy  
TG: grand schemes to fix the economy and shit  
TG: so what the fuck did you tell kanaya?  
TT: Well surely I could help you more if you told me what she said.  
TG: she said that you said that i was going to pester her   
TT: I believe I made statements to that effect.   
TG: okay?  
TG: so what the fuck did you exactly tell her?   
TT: I told her exactly what she told you I did.  
TG: you know  
TG: i really want to believe you here but for some reason I doubt you did  
TT: You are free to believe whatever you would like.  
TG: well i wouldnt have to do that if you could i dont know  
TG: actually tell me whats going on?  
TG: its like im a lion and you plucked me from the jungle and dropped me in the city  
TG: where i will rampage and inevitably get shot by the local police in an effort to stem large cat attacks in the metro area  
TT: Lions do not live in the Jungle.  
TG: lions also dont deal with meddling ecto siblings  
TT: Perhaps.  
TT: Lions also do not demand more information after having their questions answered.  
TG: rose i swear to god  
TT: Now, while I would love to talk, I am certain Kanaya is waiting for you.  
TT: After all, you told her you would be right back correct?  
TG: i hate you   
TT: I love you too Dave.  


turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]   
TG: alright im back  
TG: so anyway   
TG: i wanted to get some clothes made   
TG: so could you like, do that? god pajamas are hella comfy but you know i wanted to up my style   
TG: get some real fire clothes  
GA: I See  
GA: Would You Like To Come To My Respiteblock?  
GA: This Way I Can Take Your Measurements And You Can Be More Specific Than “Fire Clothes”   


Fuck. You were hoping you didn’t have to actually meet her in person. Karkat was right though, even without you telling her what you wanted, she was still all too happy to drag you to her respiteblock.  


Dave: when  
GA: Now Is Fine  
TG: before i go  
TG: is rose with you?  
GA: No They Had Left To Do Something  
GA: That Is All I Know   
TG: okay  
TG: im coming now  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


You leave your room and begin the walk across the meteor to Kanaya’s, your fingers lowering down into your pocket to pick at your phone. You consider messaging Karkat, to tell him that you finally worked up the nerve, but decided to wait. You were already anxious enough and the last thing you needed was to snap at him, after all you were almost positive that he would be at least somewhat smug. At least that’s what you told yourself. You totally weren’t afraid of him asking to see what she made for you. Not at all. 

Your walk is uneventful, but when you find yourself in front of Kanaya’s door you nearly freeze. It was too late to turn back. Notafter you’d lugged your ass across the meteor. With another deep breath, something you find yourself doing a lot lately, you raise your hand and wrap on the door. 

Kanaya: It Is Open Please Come In  


You push open the door and see Kanaya sitting at her work bench in front of a sewing machine. She has paused her work and turned to face you, her expression inquisitive. Your eyes scan over the rest of the room, but find nothing out of the ordinary except for the large pile of fabric near her work table and a curtained off section of the room. Of all the things trolls did, their propensity to create and sit in piles of things always seemed bizarre. Finally, you let your eyes settle on hers.  


Dave: alright so we gonna do this?  
Kanaya: Certainly   
Kanaya: I Am Very Excited I Have Never Made Clothes For You Before  
Kanaya: Stand There I Will Take Your Measurements And You Can Tell Me What You Would Like  
Dave: right here?  
Kanaya: It Really Does Not Matter  
Kanaya: Now Hold Still  
Dave: ...  
Dave: thats it?  
Kanaya: Taking Measurements Is The Easy Part Now Please Sit And We Can Discuss  


You watch as Kanaya walks over and plops herself down into the pile, gesturing for you to come join her, eyes bright with excitement. You take a seat across from her, settling yourself into the pile and willing yourself to be calm. You can’t find it in you to meet her eyes though. Time for the hard part.  


Dave: alright before i even say anything you have to swear that you wont tell anyone what im going to get made okay?  
Kanaya: If That Is What You Desire I Have No Objection  
Kanaya: Though I Am Not Sure I Can Fight My Own Curiosity  
Kanaya: What Did You Want Dave?  
Dave: alright so  
Dave: i want like  
Dave: jesus i dont really know how to say this uh  
Dave: can you make me like  
Dave: girl clothes?  


You turn your gaze back up to meet her and nearly sighed in relief. The troll looked more confused than anything, though you could also recognize the interest on her face.  


Kanaya: You Might Have To Be More Specific   
Kanaya: Trolls Do Not Separate Clothes Based On Gender Quite Like You Humans   
Kanaya: And Rose…  
Kanaya: Rose’s Preferences Are Just As Bewildering I Do Not Believe They Share The Same Reservations As You  
Dave: alright i just want like  
Dave: dresses and skirts and stuff  
Dave: i want to look pretty  


You barely withhold a cringe as the words leave your mouth. Fuck. You feel your face heating up as Kanaya looks at you curiously. The moment seems to stretch on into infinity and you idly wonder if you had accidentally frozen time.  


Kanaya: I Can Certainly Do That  
Kanaya: I Have A Lot Of Clothes That Would Fit You Now If You Would Like To Try Them On  
Kanaya: You And Rose Have Very Similar Measurements And It Would Give Me A Better Idea Of What You Might Like  
Dave: cant you just like   
Dave: make stuff   
Kanaya: What Is The Problem?  
Kanaya: Rose Has Asked For And Worn What I Believe You Would Call “Boy Clothes” If I Am Understanding This Properly   
Kanaya: That And I Do Not Want To Spend Time Making Things You Will Not Wear  
Dave: ughhhh  
Kanaya: Moaning Will Not Make Make Me Rescind My Request  
Dave: okay  


Kanaya shoots you a smile and walks away and you release a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. Your hands scrambles to your phone. You need Karkat.  


turntechGodhead  [TG]  began pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG]  at ??:??  
TG: oh god karkat  
TG: i went to kanaya and i dont know if i can do this  
CG: WHY NOT?  
CG: WHAT DID SHE SAY?  
TG: she said that if i wanted her to make stuff id have to try shit on   
TG: like im a barbie doll and its dress up time  
TG: barbie girl in a barbie world  
CG: SO WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?  
TG: its just  
TG: shit shes back  
TG has gone idle! 

You watch Kanaya stride back into the room, a small pile of neatly folded clothes in her arms. She places them lightly on her her sewing table, then turns to look at you, placing a hand on her hip.  


Kanaya: Alright If You Would Please Go Behind The Curtain And Change That Would Be Ideal   


You simply nod, forcing your expression into a deadpan. The last thing you wanted to do was freak out. She was treating this like no big deal, so why should you? You walk forward and scoop up the clothes before pushing past the curtain. You expect to see a bed, but instead see an even larger pile of even more fabric, clothes, and...was that Rose's shirt? Shit at least Karkat had a couch.  


You plop the clothes Kanaya gave you onto the floor, pulling the topmost layer out of the pile and unfolding it. A long, flowy black dress greets your eyes. The fabric feels soft and you stare at it, hypnotized. The fabric splits upon reaching the waist, one layer resting over the other.  


You step out of your god tier robes and captchalogue them, before turning back to the dress and slipping it over your head. With shaky hands, you tie the belt around you waist and step out from behind the curtain. You let your eyes move to the mirror leaning against the wall and let your eyes take in the dress. You looked…  


Kanaya: Oh Dave I Must Say That Dress Looks Rather Good On You   


You let yourself twitch, the only sign of your surprise, before you turn to face the jadeblood once again. Her face is smiling brightly, her eyes alight as she walks closer to you, moving around you as she inspects the dress. 

Kanaya: What Do You Think? You Run Around In Your Robes Most Of The Time So I Thought You Might Put Comfort At A High Premium  
Dave: its nice  
Kanaya: Excellent   
Kanaya: Go Try On The Rest  


You follow her orders and shuffle behind the curtain, strip off the dress sort through the pile again. Damn. She has a lot for you to try on. You have a feeling that this was not going to be a short interaction.  


You finish after an hour, having finally exhausted the pile of clothes Kanaya insisted you try on. Despite your constant complaints to the contrary, you enjoyed Kanaya fussing over your appearence, liked wearing what she gave you, but most of all, reveling in the fact that you felt normal. Kanaya’s presence kept your darker thoughts at bay, but after telling her what your favorite clothes you had one last thing to take care of.  


Dave: also can you like  
Dave: i dont want rose to know okay  
Dave: so if you could not tell her who youre making this stuff for thatd be super cool  
Kanaya: I Do Not Understand Why You Wish To Hide It  
Dave: i just do okay  
Kanaya: If You Insist On Secrecy I Will Do My Best To Abide  
Dave: thank you  
Kanaya: Come Back In A Week Or So And I Will Have A Few Things Made  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


The rest of the week slides continues to slide by quickly, and you and Karkat build as much of a routine as possible. You wake up, either on your bed or his massive couch, go to eat, and then either spend your day together or go off hunting for people to meddle with that day. Karkat makes you feel lighter, makes you forget that you’re hurtling towards the unknown on a meteor, but mostly makes you forget that Kanaya was making you clothes and that she spent a lot of time around Rose. Which meant that Rose had a high chance of asking what she was up to. Which in turn, means that Rose would ask you why Kanaya was making clothes for you or Kanaya would simply spill what she was doing. Both possibilities hardly appealed for you and you thanked whatever gods existed in paradox space for the fact that Karkat’s presence never let you worry about it for long.  


You do notice that Karkat has something he's been wanting to say, but seems to be avoiding. You’re pretty sure that goading him into any confession will only lead to him blowing up and then promptly ignoring the thing he wanted to say in the first place. You were never good at the feelings talks anyway, and you doubted you could bring it up delicately either. So you decide to simply wait, until whenever he was ready.  


Tonight, your eyes were locked onto a movie playing on the screen in front of you and you idly begin to wonder once again, what piece of wisdom Karkat has been planning on imparting.  


Karkat: CAN WE STOP HIDING THAT WE’RE TOGETHER?  


You choke on your next breath. That was the last thing you expected to hear and it had to do with your feelings.  


Dave: uh  
Dave: i mean what do you mean “together”  


Karkat turns and shoots you a sharp look, his hand moving to the remote and turning off the TV. He turns his whole body facing yours and you feel his eyes bore into your even behind your shades. You weren’t sure how Karkat could look through you like no one else, but you do know that it was occasionally uncomfortable.  


Karkat: I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS GOING TO SAY OR IF THIS IF IT’S SOMETHING ELSE  
Karkat: BUT YOU KNOW, YOU DON’T HAVE TO ACT LIKE I’M A RAPID MEOWBEAST EVERYTIME WE’RE IN PUBLIC.  
Dave: im pretty sure i dont do that  
Karkat: PLEASE DAVE.  
Karkat: YOU KNOW IT MAKES IT MORE OBVIOUS WHEN YOU DO THAT.  
Karkat: IT’S NOT LIKE WE HAVE TO MAKE A BIG ANNOUCEMENT OR ANYTHING.  
Karkat: LIKE YOU AND I BOTH KNOW NO ONE FUCKING CARES.  
Karkat: WELL, I GUESS VRISKA MIGHT BE A BITCH BUT WHAT ELSE IS NEW? SHE’LL PROBABLY BE MORE SMUG THAN ANYTHING ELSE.  
Dave: karkat can we just like  
Dave: not talk about this?  
Karkat: NO DAVE WE CAN’T FUCKING “NOT TALK ABOUT THIS.”   
Karkat: YOU CAN’T JUST AVOID YOUR PROBLEMS AND YOU CAN’T JERK *ME* AROUND!  


You tense up as his words hit you. You rack your brain for some sort of response, some sort of flimsy defense to justify your behavior, but you can’t. The sudden realization strikes you that you are jerking Karkat around.  


Dave: fuck im sorry  
Dave: i really dont mean to i just  
Dave: im not really good at public affection or like showing that i care   
Dave: i mean i guess i could practice but there are only so many people on this meteor  
Dave: and im pretty sure none of them want me to practice that with them  
Dave: though i guess talking to anyone is practice  
Dave: so maybe i dont even have to practice if it just kind of happens so you know in a roundabout way  
Dave: but i really do care about you i do care about you its just-  
Karkat: DAVE   
Karkat: IT’S OKAY.  
Karkat: I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE PUBLIC AFFECTION, IT’S NICE SURE, BUT I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO TELL PEOPLE WE’RE TOGETHER  
Karkat: EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS.  
Dave: arent you worried that im gonna send mixed quadrant signals? you know i still dont really get that stuff and i dont want to fuck anything up  
Karkat: I DON’T CARE ANYMORE.  
Karkat: YOU’RE RIGHT, ALTERNIA IS DEAD AND WE ARE ALL THAT’S LEFT OF IT.  
Dave: so youre just done like that?  
Karkat: UGH NO, IT’S NOT LIKE I CAN JUST PRETEND I DIDN’T GROW UP ON A PLANET WHERE I WOULD HAVE BEEN INSTANTLY CULLED FOR MY BLOOD, LET ALONE MY ROMANTIC PREFERENCES.  
Karkat: BUT I CAN TRY.  
Dave: i  
Dave: alright well if you can try then i can too  
Dave: you can tell people were together and i  
Dave: ill try to not treat you like rabid cat k?  


You watch Karkat’s expression soften, a rare vulnerability he only shows you. He shifts close to you and suddenly his head is leaning on your shoulder and his side is pressed against yours.  


Karkat: THANK YOU.  
Dave: so do you want to finish this movie or…?  
Karkat: YES DAVE WE CAN FINISH IT.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


You wake up the next day tangled up with Karkat like usual and feel a sense of peace that has started to feel pleasantly familiar. You slowly rise up, untangling yourself from Karkat and rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. At least in this moment, everything was alright. You glance down at the sleeping form of Karkat, his chest steadily rising. You knew that nearly all the trolls slept restlessly, the lack of sopor slime making sleep difficult to fall into, but whenever you and Karkat were tangled together, he slept better. Not that he would ever admit it, but you’ve noticed the dark circles under his eyes slowly receding, as much as they could anyway. It wasn’t perfect, but it was progress.  


As if he could feel his eyes raking over you, Karkat’s eyes flick open. He turns his neck to look up at you and you see a rare smile slide onto his face.  


Karkat: GOOD MORNING SHITHEAD.  
Dave: you break my heart, is that anyway to greet your boy-  


You let the word fall off. Karkat looks at your curiously, but doesn’t press, electing instead to lay there and gaze at you. His eyes, usually so full of fire, were calm and even through the silence of the room you could hear what he wanted to say. I’m here for you. You pull in a deep breath and start again.  


Dave: is that anyway to greet your partner?   
Karkat: PARTNER? DAVE I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I’M PRETTY FUCKING SURE THAT PARTNERS DON’T SLEEP TOGETHER, THEY SURE AS HELL DIDN’T ON ALTERNIA.   


You lean back down burying your nose in Karkat’s hair before and laying on top of him before moving your mouth closer to his ear and whispering.  


Dave: have a better word for what we are?  
Dave: dont say matesprits or moirails  
Dave: our love transcends the quadrants baby aint no escape  


You feel Karkat’s body tense as he tries to cobble together and argument, but soon after you feel him deflate as he snakes his arms back around your waist and pulls you even closer. You let your eyes slow shut, intent on falling asleep again, maybe even just spending the whole day wrapped up with Karkat, when you hear your phone chrip from its position on the floor. Guess sleep time was over.  


You snap your eyes open, but do nothing to move yourself away from Karkat as your reach your hand to floor and feel around for you phone. Your hand wrap it around and you pull it up, rolling off of Karkat as you open it up.  


grimAuxillatrix  [GA]  began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  at ??:??  
GA: Dave If You Would Like To Stop By My Block Today I Have Finished The Clothes You Requested  
GA: If You Could Be Convinced I Would Like To See What They Look Like On You In Case I Have To Make Any Adjustments  
GA: And Before You Ask I Will Send Rose Away When You Come She Is Suspicious But She Has Not Pried  


You know Karkat is reading your conversation, but you decline to tilt your phone away. He was the one who recommended you this action anyway so it’s not like any new information was being revealed. Besides, you were still too comfortable to move.  


Karkat: CAN I COME WITH YOU? I WANT TO SEE WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE TOO.   


Apparently today was full of surprises, because Karkat’s voice was kinder and far more genuine than usual. You suddenly realize it was only a tone he used with you. You somewhat resented the idea that you needed to be treated delicately, but it was early enough in your waking hours and you warm enough to not care. Plus, you liked this side of Karkat. Liked that it was only for you. You consider sending some snark Karkat’s way, but decided not to. Discretion was the better part of valor and you were both knights after all, no need to start a war over nothing.  


Dave: yeah sure  
Dave: it was your idea so if you want i guess you can come  


You hear a purr slip resonate from Karkat’s chest and find that even as you respond to Kanaya, even as you agree to model what she’d made, you don’t feel nervous. Karkat would be there. And if he can work on his quadrants while being a mutant, then you sure as hell can work on your intimacy issues and your gender. The thought hits you suddenly, but it feels nice to turn over in your head. It was one thing to admit you simply wanted to look different, to look like Rose, but it was another thing entirely to finally appropriately name it. You expected the thought to come with more fanfare, more drama, but it was just normal. A small part of you bouncing around in your head. No one cares and no one would ever care. After all, as twenty-five percent of the remaining human population you could almost guarantee that.  


TG: yeah ill be over in an hour karkats coming too  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


A sense of deja vu sweeps over you as you trace the same path to Kanaya’s room as last time, with the exception of an oddly silent Karkat trailing behind you. This time however, a low buzz of excitement occupies your stomach instead of the sharp twinge of anxiety. It was a welcome change.  


Karkat doesn’t even knock when you reach Kanaya’s block, he just barges in. You quickly follow him and find Kanaya seated on her fabric pile next to her work table, fingers flying over her palmhusk. You would bet all your boondollars that she was talking to Rose. Every last one.  


She is on her feet faster than you can track, a broad smile covering her face as she walks forward.  


Kanaya: Hello   
Kanaya: Would You Like To Be To Go Get What I Made You?  


Kanaya looks more excited than you feel. You guess you underestimated her love of fashion.l You sneak a glance back at Karkat and remember his entrance. You’re pretty sure the two of them were pretty close and Rose clearly had something for her. Maybe you should talk to her more, find out what you were missing.  


Kanaya: Dave?  
Dave: oh yeah sorry i zoned out  
Dave: bring it out  
Dave: im ready to be a model  
Dave: body sculpted like a god  
Dave: which i literally am by the way  
Dave: draped in the clothes of the the finest vampire troll in existence  
Dave: shit maybe i could be a vampire hunter and youre my secret vampire friend   
Dave: truly some reverse castlevania shit  
Kanaya: Excellent I Will Be Right Back  


You let close your mouth and watch her walk away. Karkat shoots you a smirk from the side and you can tell he’s going to tease you for rambling. Stupid pretty troll boy. Kanaya truly is right back, so quickly you barely notice her absence. Rainbow drinker speed or something. Fuck if you know.  


Kanaya: I Know You Do Not Want To Try On Everything I Made You Right Now  
Kanaya; So There Is No Need To Object I Will Not Try To Force You  
Kanaya: But If You Could I Would Like To See This On You  


She places a bundle of her clothes on her work table before unfolding the top piece and holding it in front of her. It was gorgeous. The dress was a dark, candy red. It looked like it ended at your ankles. Good. Wouldn’t want to trip. The neckline of the dress looks like it might explode only the top of your chest and emblazoned on the chest was the same gear symbol on your godtiers. In fact, your narrow your eyes and see that their is another piece of fabric other than the dress, a long cape, the same length and color as your old one.  


Dave: wow that looks...  
Dave: yeah ill try it on its pretty  


You wish your voice sounded firmer, more sure, but standing in Kanaya’s room about to try on what were essentially new god tiers robes in the form of a dress didn’t do much to prevent your nervousness. You walk forward and snatch up the dress, before sweeping your gaze over the two present trolls.  


Dave: alright close your eyes or turn around or whatever  
Dave: unless youre gonna throw your boonbucks at me  
Dave: in which case please feel free to look as a god disrobes  
Karkat: DAVE JUST GET ON WITH IT WE WON’T LOOK.  


Karkat has already slid his eyes shut and his eyes were crossed over his chest as he tapped his foot. Man, why was everyone more impatient for this than you were. You give Kanaya another look and she too turns around. You would walk behind Kanaya's curtain again but you were pretty sure that’s where she slept and you felt too weird to stand there and undress again. Gottta keep up some boundaries. You quickly strip out of your pants and shirt, captchaloging them, before you slip the dress on over your head. The fabric is soft, just as comfortable as your god pajamas. You pull on it, smoothing it out before turning and looking back and looking at the cape. You know you’re just delaying, but you needed a second. Finally, you look at the mirror and nearly sigh in relief. You didn’t look too bad. The dress looked a lot like your godtiers, just longer, a bit tighter too. You drink in your image for a long moment and breathe deeply once again. You looked nice.  


Kakat: STRIDER ARE YOU DONE YET?   
Dave: yeah yeah calm down karkles  
Dave: you can open your eyes  


Karkat's eyes flash open and then his jaw drops. You hope it's the good type of jaw dropping. You look out of the corners of your eyes at Kanaya, who looks overwhelmingly pleased. Damn. maybe you look better than you thought?  


Karkat: WOW UH.   
Karkat: DAVE YOU’RE REALLY UH.  
Kanaya: He Means To Say Pretty  
Kanaya: You Look Very Nice Dave   
Kanaya: I Fashioned That Dress Much Like My Own So You Will Be Able To Fight And Move Easily As Well  
Kanaya: Though I Am Not Sure If My Clothes Are As Durable As Your Robes Truthfully I Am Still Not Sure How They Work  
Dave: uh  
Dave: thanks  


You can’t think of anything else to say. Usually you’re always ready, always have a line prepared, but in this moment, with Karkat looking at you like the most gorgeous thing in the world you find your tongue only gets tangled in your mouth.  


Dave: i think i feel pretty too  


And you did.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


Vriska: oooooooooh Strider nice dress!  


You glance over your shoulder and see Vriska leaning against the doorframe behind you. You look past her to see if you can catch sight of Terezi, but find no sign of the tealblood. Vriska must have come alone. That or Terezi was right behind her.  


Dave: you know it   
Dave: gotta try new stuff out the same godtiers were getting old figured i modify them a bit get some new energy goin  
Dave: align my chakras and shit you know how it goes  


Your eyes follow Vriska as she struts into the room, moving to stand in front of the table where you sat. You put your fork down and prepare to play whatever mindgame Vriska plans to drag out of you. You had tried avoiding it, but if there is one thing Vriska can’t stand it’s being ignored. While in ordinary circumstances, you would use this to your full advantage, you knew that a pissed off Vriska was bad for the whole meteor. So, you decide to go for the much more subtle route, attempting to goad her into forgetting she cares.  


Vriska: godtiers are 8ooooooooing 8ut i think this is an upgra8 from your usual.  
Dave: damn a compliment from the spiderbitch herself? shit i should have recorded that, saved it for future generations  
Dave: throw it in a musem in the new universe “vriska being nice” im sure no one will even be able to believe it  
Terezi: B3L13V3 WH4T?  


You don’t even bother turning your head. You suppress the urge to throw your face into the table. If you thought you could avoid the conversation before you definitely couldn’t now.  


Terezi: COOL K1D YOU SM3LL GOOD.   
Terezi: 4R3 THOS3 SOM3 N3W CLOTH3S I SM3LL?  


You resign yourself to your fate as you feel Terezi lean in behind you to breathe you in. You hoped she didn’t start licking you, even you had a line.  


Terezi: 1 THOUGHT YOU S41D HUM4N GUYS D1DNT W34R DR3SS3S. L4LOND3 G3T TO YOU ALR3ADY?  


Terezi gave out a loud crackle before circling around to join Vriska in front of you. Her own head was titled curiously and now you had two trolls girls poking at you. May as well bite the bullet, not like you didn’t plan on this happening anyway.  


Dave: well maybe im not guy you know? for a girl who flipped a coin to pick her gender you seem to have more hangups about this than me  


You avoid wincing at the irony of your statement and hope your quip lands. It was a shot in the dark, but if Terezi’s massive grin was any indication your words had struck perfectly. Karkat should give himself more credit, he knew people way better than he thought.  


Vriska: So, you changed your mind?  
Dave: yeah   
Terezi: OH HOW 1NT3R3ST1NG YOU AR3 FULL OF SURPRISES DAVE.  
Vriska: so what are you now?  


Huh. This really wasn’t how you imagined this going. In your mind you were prepared for way more teasing considering you were dealing with Vriska and Terezi. Way more mind games too. You were getting really tired of mind games. Why did three of the 4 girls on this meteor have to be so annoying.  


Dave: dave what about you?  
Terezi: 1 TH1NK THEY’RE COPYING LALOND3  
Terezi: BECAUS3 THE MOR3 I SM3LL YOU THE MOR3 S1MIL4RITI3S I D3T3CT.  
Terezi: OF COURS3 1LL N33D 4 L1CK TO MAK3 SUR3 >:]   
Dave: what do you mean im copying rose?   
Vriska: Oh my gooooooooog how oblivious are you?  
Vriska: Haven’t you noticed that they kind of look like really similar to you? I know they’re your ancestor or something, 8ut even more than 8efore.  
Dave: okay why does everyone keep saying they i dont think were exactly dealing with a crowd of people here  
Dave: i was going to ask before because kanaya and karkat were doing it   
Dave: but tbh ive given up trying to figure out your weird cultural norms so honestly i didnt even bother  
Dave: but now i gotta now shit is driving me crazy  
Terezi: 4LL L4LOND3 S4YS WH3N YOU ASK WH4T TH3Y AR3 IS “ROS3” TH3 S4M3 4S YOU.  
Terezi: SO WH4T ELS3 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO S4Y?  
Dave: wait since when?  
Dave: and what am i exactly oblivious to? someone want to put my in the loop here?  
Vriska: Pleaseeeeeeee Dave, you’re 8eing so dum8!   
Vriska: They started doing it pedigrees ago i’m pretty sure.  
Vriska: Kanaya figured out whatever sylph powers she has, even offered to fix Terezi’s eyes  
Terezi: WH1CH 1 OBV1OUSLY R3J3CT3D.  
Vriska: Recently she did something to Rose made them look different, finally some progress out of fussy fangs and her powers. 

You are nearly floored with the revelation. You know Kanaya had been experimenting with her powers for awhile now, trying to figure out what sylphs could do, but you had no idea she had actually gotten somewhere. You suddenly feel guilty. You have been so wrapped up in your own problems you hadn’t even noticed the success of one of your friends. You decide to ignore the hindsight as you connect all the dots about Rose too. That was for later.  


Dave: shit well thats cool  
Terezi: Y34H 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO DO 1T TOO?  
Dave: why do you gotta know?  
Vriska: Just thought it might m8 you a 8it easier to look at is all.  
Dave: harsh ill have you know that im the sexiest thing in all of paradox space  


Terezi lets out another loud laugh, then walks over to the alchemizer. Oh. You guessed they were here to eat too. Guess that makes sense. Vriska gives you another haughty look, but turns to follow her moirail. Glad you had gotten that conversation over with. But now you had a burning curiosity, one that you knew wouldn't go away. You stand up and walk your food over to the trash, leaving Vriska and Terezi to occupy the room. You have something else to do.  


turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering tentecleTherapist [TT] at ??:??  
TG: yo lalonde  
TG: why didnt you tell me?  
TT: Tell you what?   
TG: well i just got done talking to vriska and terezi   
TG: and  
TG: you know what fuck it  
TG: are you a girl?  
TG: cause last i checked you were but im getting some conflicting information here  
TT: Ah, I thought this conversation would be coming soon.  
TT: I am with Kanaya now, but if you come to my room in two hours we can talk.  
TG: okay so totally dodging the question then i see  
TT: I hardly consider it dodging the question when I’m inviting you to speak further about it.  
TT: I just don’t want to type this out when we could do this in person. If you haven’t noticed, we’re on the same meteor.  
TG: alright fine whatever  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


You waited for exactly two hours to pass before you literally flew to Rose’s door. You forgo the knocking this time, fat too impatient to interrogate Rose. You’re sure that...you’re sure that they’re expecting you too. The door swings open and Rose’s gaze meets yours. They’re sitting in their chair, hands working methodically as they knit something together. You narrow your eyes and stare at Rose, tracing them over every little difference you noticed. You can’t believe you didn’t put the dots together. You even asked them about it, then simply brushed it off as Rose being Rose.  


Well, you guess you weren’t wrong.  


Dave: alright im going to cut through the bullshit because we both know why im here and what this conversation is  
Rose: Oh do I?  
Dave: hell yeah you do  
Dave: so you look so different because kanaya basically performed magic plastic surgery? am i understanding this correctly  
Dave: and probably more importantly are you a girl or not?  
Rose: I can answer both of those questions in one go. Care to add anything else?   
Dave: maybe but you can start with those because honestly im confused as fuck  
Dave: its like i was riding a roller coaster and ended up in candyland  
Dave: everyone too hyped up on lollipops and love and trying to ge me to join the party  
Dave: but i dont want to join the party  
Dave: i just want to know what the fucks going on  
Rose: I must say I am somewhat confused as well, I didn’t think I would ever live to see the day Dave Strider wore a dress.  
Dave: first time wearing it dont change the subject  
Rose: It seems to be quite relevant to the discussion though.  
Rose: Afterall, you’re asking me about my gender, isn’t it fair to inquire about yours?  
Dave: you can do that after you take me away from candyland and back to reality  
Rose: If you insist.  
Rose: I suppose I will start at the beginning then.  
Rose: After John told us where we all came from, that we were all products of ectobiology, my curiosity peaked. Siblings share DNA, but we have no long line of ancestors to track, no true lineage beyond each other. Rose: And I thought about who I was and how if the ectobiology happened slightly differently, I would have been told I was a boy instead of a girl  
Rose: Then we met the trolls and I began to truly think about what made me a “girl.”   
Rose: The answer was very little, afterall what meaning does biology have when we formed from slime? When we tear through time and see into the future.   
Rose: We are all that’s left of humanity anyway, we can simply decide who we are.  
Rose: So I did just that. I’m not a girl because I don’t want to be. I’m not a boy either. I am simply between, and to me, I am just Rose.  


You recognized the looks on Roses’ face. It was one of sheer will, of commitment to ideals. It was the same look they held as they piloted themselves towards the green sun.  


Rose: So it’s my turn to ask now, who are you Dave?  


They glance at you, the serious expression on their voice not budging an inch. Fuck. You rack your brain for an answer.  


Dave: i dont know  
Dave: isnt it okay to not know?  
Rose: Yes.  
Dave: well damn you seemed awfully keen on pressing me for answers then could have fooled me  


Rose frowned and you could almost see the gears turning in their mind. A brief look of comprehension crosses over their face before they school to neutral.  


Rose: I’m sorry.  
Rose: It’s fine if you don’t know, it doesn’t fucking matter.  
Rose: You’re Dave and that’s enough.  


You find your words failing you once again and instead move forward until your wrapping your arms around Rose, hoping they get the message.  


Dave: thank you 

You feel Rose wraps their arms around you and know that they did.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


The new session was close now and Vriska’s rampant planning had only increased. Though she would never tell you all the details, she insisted on dragging everyone forward to talk strategy, in addition to forcing everyone to train. Even though the last thing you wanted to think about was having to fight as soon as you entered the new session, you knew that Vriska was right. Simply standing around waiting would never work, you needed to at least be prepared. All the preparation though, had left you with significantly less time to spend with Karkat, a fact that you resented. Especially considering what had been on your mind lately. 

Today was an off day though, everyone deciding to ignore Vriska's orders and relax. Which meant that everyone had paired off as usual, spending their time with whoever had caught their fancy. For you, that meant Karkat. The two of you were lying on your bed, music idly playing from a speaker you had alchemized. Karkat said he liked your music and you were all too glad to play it for them. Besides, it filled the silence, dispelling the awkwardness that would have surely occurred if it wasn’t there. Because you were silent, trying to find the best words to use, the most comfortable way to frame the question on your mind. You can’t think of anything though and finally decide to just go for it.  


Dave: hey karkat  


You roll over on your bed and look at him, lowering your voice.  


Karkat: WHAT?  
Dave: what if i did what rose did would you be mad? 

Wow. You didn’t know where you worked up the courage to say that. You had been chewing over this problem in your mind for the past month and there you go, just spitting it out in the open, no holds barred. Ejecting the essence. You didn’t even know why you were asking or what you expected to hear. But you didn’t want to think about it alone.  


Karkat: I’M GOING TO THINK YOU’RE ATTRACTIVE NO MATTER WHAT BULDGEMUNCH JUST DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.  
Karkat: IT’S YOUR BODY.  
Dave: so its cool?  
Karkat: OF COURSE WHY WOULDN’T IT BE?  
Dave: i just thought that maybe  
Dave: that you liked me how i am now? i dont want to come back and make you not…  
Karkat: NOT WHAT?  
Dave: just not like me anymore  


Karkat sits up suddenly and stares down at you, a frown covering his face.  


Karkat: DAVE, I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU WOULD THINK THAT.   
Karkat: I LIKE YOU, NOT JUST HOW YOU LOOK.  
Karkat: SO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, IF THERE WAS A PROBLEM YOU WOULD KNOW. I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU.  


You find a common theme of words failing you lately. But now you know just what to do. Without a hint of hesitation you sit up as well and wrap your arms around Karkat.  


Dave: thank you  


Karkat burrows into you, purring gently. You feel his lips trace up to you ear and wait, curious as to what he will say.  


Karkat: Dave, I love you.  


You feel Karkat’s body tense, his arms tightening around you. He sounds so serious, his voice tinged with something you’ve never heard from another person in your life.You wonder if he thinks your going to run away. To reject him. A fierce feeling of protectiveness surges over you. Karkat deserved to love someone, to not have quadrants run his whole life. And if he wanted to love you then so be it. Who were you to reject him? How could you? There is only one thing you could say.  


Dave: i love you too  


Karkat immediately relaxes against you, the sound of his purrs picking up. You decide that laying back down would be far more comfortable and drag Karkat down with you. You never stop holding him though, not willing to release the connection you felt. He loved you. You loved him. Someone loved you and didn’t want to hide it. You toss a leg over Karkat’s and bury your head deep into his shoulder, breathing in his smell. You’re struck with the sudden realization that for the first time in a long time, perhaps ever, you felt home. As if you finally found somewhere you belong. Where you didn’t have to hide behind your shades and a deadpan. You hope Karkat feels the same.  


Dave: karkat can i…   


You trail off, but Karkat gets the message, you don’t even have to finish saying it. You feel Karkat’s hands on your waist as he shifts you onto his lap then your lips are connected. The kiss is less hungry than all the others before and you feel yourself melting into Karkat. You could stay like this forever, hands tangled in his hair with his lips on yours. You feel Karkat's fingers plucking your sunglasses off your face and allow him to. They were getting in the way anyway. You hear them being placed on your nightstand and allow yourself to relax. You didn’t need them now.  


You feel Karkat’s lips detach from yours and you nearly follow him, but remember that in all likelihood he just needs to breathe. At the thought of breath you release your own, one you didn’t even realize you were holding.  


Karkat: DO YOU WANT TO PAIL?  
Dave: dont even need to ask  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  


turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at ??:??  
TG: hey kanaya  
TG: so rose told me that you did that magic spacey shit for them  
TG: gonna need you to do that for me  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends! Thank you for reading and I hoped you enjoyed! I didn't have a beta so if you see any grammar or syntax errors it's cause I missed them. When I have time I will make sure to go back through and comb everything, but for now I think it is good enough lol.


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